


Sleepover ♡ Elmax El Hopper/Max Mayfield

by dewdropdaydream



Category: Stranger Things - Fandom
Genre: And Byler, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Coming Out, Elmax bonds over trauma, El’s name is just El, F/F, Hopper is El’s adoptive dad, It starts off after they became friends but that happened a little sooner in the timeline, Neil Hargrove gets what he Deserves, Oh and a little Alexei X Murray, Robin is a supportive gay icon, Some Jopper, Some dream sequences, Their ages are the same as season three, There’s confusion and questioning and shame, Will is also confused and gay, elmax - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:20:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 33,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21822079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dewdropdaydream/pseuds/dewdropdaydream
Summary: 1985teenage girls el and max are forming a quickly tightening bond. max's supposedly shameful desperation for an alternate type of relationship between them forms just as quickly and even more earth shatteringly. she's torn between passion and fear. what would el, their friend group or max's family think? what about the world as a whole? in hawkins, indiana, at least, it seemed that the world solely consisted of close minded parents, humid summers, youthful teasing and a flashy shopping mall. most of all, it often felt to max like the most immensely frustrating aspect of the world were her own, new flustered feelings and unwavering guilt. the varying complications within max and el's friend group and within hawkins itself lurk just as subtly and just as timid amongst everything.au: no upside down/powers🌈   𝓈𝓁𝑒𝑒𝓅𝑜𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓈 𝒾𝓃 𝓂𝓎 𝒷𝑒𝒹, 𝑜𝒽 𝓎𝑒𝒶𝒽♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡🌈  𝒶𝓉 𝓁𝑒𝒶𝓈𝓉 𝒾 𝑔𝑜𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒾𝓃 𝓂𝓎 𝒽𝑒𝒶𝒹
Relationships: Eleven | Jane Hopper/Maxine "Max" Mayfield
Comments: 5
Kudos: 66





	1. Darling

The sky outside was darkening, the energy in Max Mayfield and El Hopper was diminishing. The teenage girls had spent the past hours of their summer sleepover chattering and chuckling but by 12:00 am they'd gotten all worn out. They laid on El's bedroom floor quietly.  
"Well, I'm exhausted and there's nothing else to talk about. Let's just go to sleep." Max groaned.  
"I agree, sleep sounds great." replied El.  
"I'm gonna go get changed." El told Max.  
"Alright, I didn't bring pajamas obviously so I'll just sleep in this."  
"No, I'll give you some of mine." El replied, rising to collect the pajamas from her dresser.  
"Okay."  
El tossed them onto the bed and left the room.  
Once she had her clothes bunched in a pile, Max pulled the big, burgundy t shirt over her head. It smelled just like El. Citrusy and sweet. Max's freckled cheeks involuntarily flushed. She was wearing her crushes clothes.  
Max tensed at a gentle, firm knock against the door.  
"Can I come in?"  
"Um I'm not dressed yet." Max replied awkwardly.  
El giggled. "Tell me when you're done."  
Max quickly got the pajama shorts on and called for El to come in. El saw her in the clothes and smiled. "Thank you for suggesting we go to sleep, my dad probably wouldn't want us staying up too late anyway." El told her friend.  
The shuffling of them settling beneath the plaid blanket sounded and they pulled the covers up to their faces. El switched off the lamp light, draping the bedroom in black so that El and Max could only make out each others faces if they were close. So they got closer.  
"Today was seriously so much fun. I'm so happy we've been spending more time with each other." Max whispered.  
"Yeah... thanks so much for cheering me up about Mike last week. I just can't wait for my feelings to go away. You've really helped me forget about it. It's like I'm already obsessed with you." El whispered back with a giggle.  
Max's grinned and adjusted.  
"Yeah... I'm glad I can be here for you. You need some friends other than dorky boys. And I guess I kind of do too. I really wanna do this more. We should've sooner."  
"Definitely. And by the way I'm really sorry about that. I mean it's my fault. I shouldn't have been all jealous when you joined the friend group. I thought Mike had a crush on you."  
Max laughed. "Trust me, I'd be disgusted if he did at all." She said in a louder voice. The pair giggled.  
"And it wasn't your fault." I Max continued "They were your first real friends. I get it. I'm just glad we're actually spending time together now. Like... alone."  
"Yeah... you're kind of way more fun than them. I wanna be closer." El reached out her warm hand and placed it on Max's cold one, squeezing it.  
Max's heart swelled and she looked down shyly. "Yeah."  
El let go and settled into the pillow with a sigh. "Good night, Max."  
"Night, El." Max laid on her side towards El's face. She watched her wide, chocolate toned eyes shut and heard her breathing calm.  
What was she going to do about this? What even was this? Max had always liked girls. But this was the first time she felt so crazy about anyone so quickly, even the boys she liked. Even Lucas, her ex in their friend group. But liking other girls just wasn't really allowed. And Max didn't agree with it but at the same time she was scared. She was terrified that there could be something wrong with her. But how could it be bad? El was so cool, smart, strong, sweet, cute and... basically in love with Mike Wheeler. All these confusing thoughts were wearing Max out even more. She laid under the covers trying to make her way through them. Her mind felt fuzzy and her eyes were drowsy.  
"Max?" El asked. Max heard the soft, sleepy whisper of the girl beside her.  
"Y...Yeah?" she replied, half asleep.  
"Are you asleep?"  
"You're so dumb, darling."  
Darling.  
A moment after the word escaped Max's lips, her eyes shot open and a jolt of regret chased past her spine.


	2. What Were You Dreaming Of?

Max's thoughts were racing and her face was heating. She was the dumb one here. She called her darling. Why the hell would she do that?  
But El just barely laughed and that was it. Then she seemed to have fallen asleep. How was Max gonna relax now?  
~

Dreamy crystal orbs and ethereally shimmering stars sparkled on the girls white dress. She spun in a circle, her laugh bright and her smile wide. She took Max's hands gently and softly dragged her up into the clouds floating through the sky. It was El. She said nothing and yet her genuine gaze and gleeful twirls communicated to Max that it was a very special day for both of them. Max felt airy and warm, dancing gracefully with her love. They were both dressed like angels in flowing dresses dragging lightly through the misty clouds and changing colors just like the quickly emerging sunset. The floating clouds in the sky parted ways for the two enchantingly otherworldly ladies. They intertwined fingers and squeezed their palms together tightly. Luminous moonstone and rose quartz gemstone rings representing love and strength appeared on their fourth fingers in a delicate flash. They had been bound by their eternal love and by the skies. They embraced and leaned forward for a kiss to show their affections only for the girls to fade and their glowing dresses to dim.  
~ 

The blankets draped over Max's freckly face were heavy and warm. She pushed them down with a grumble and blinked her sleepy, azure blue eyes only for a peek of gentle morning sunlight to make her groan and turn around in El's bed.  
"Good morning, Bed Head." said El, sweetly grinning down at Max who sleepily chuckled.  
"Good morning." She responded with a glance to check the time. 10:11 AM.  
"How long have you been up?" Asked Max.  
"Like thirteen minutes. You were smiling in your sleep for a while." El laughed.  
Max thought for a second before remembering the gushy dream she had. Her face quickly heated like the fire of her hair. She forced a casual laugh and fought the urge to bury her face in humiliation. "What were you dreaming of?" El asked.  
"I don't remember, erh probably something dumb or like skating or something." Max fumbled and chewed her lip.  
"I didn't have any dreams luckily. Recently I've been having dreams about the breakup." said El, triggering Max's morning grumpiness.  
"I'm sorry, El. I mean I know he helped you, you know, to deal with your dads craziness and... everything that happened. I guess he cares about you but that doesn't mean you have to forgive him for everything else he does to you. You deserve... someone who will treat you better all the time, you know?"  
"Yeah... I know you're right. I guess I'm just waiting for my heart to agree."  
"So you... well do you still like him?" Max asked and El looked her in the eyes.  
"Yes. But I don't know... I don't feel the same. I mean it's hard to explain."  
"Yeah." replied Max, ignoring the sinking feeling in her chest. This shouldn't have been disappointing. Waking up next to El and hearing her sleepy, cute morning voice should only have been a good experience for Max. But it just seemed to give her a taste of what it would be like if El liked her instead of Mike. Instead of someone else. Suddenly Max felt like a total creep. El didn't know how Max felt. She would never want to be friends with her if she knew how desperately Max wished to have El as a girlfriend. To just hold her hand, call El hers. If only it were that simple. It almost made Max want to cry and she didn't want that pathetic feeling to worsen. But how could she pass up the opportunity to spend her time with El? Instead of with all her other friends who were boys, two of which she was very annoyed with for not being good enough boyfriends. Boys. They just didn't appeal to Max in the same way. Not even close. Max liked everything about girls. At least girls like El who were kind, smart, cute, gentle, innocent, beautiful, brave... she could go on dreaming about those girls forever. But right now the only girl, the only person who gave her that special heart ache, the soft sighing in her beating heart was the clueless, precious girl laying in bed next to her.  
"You're cute when you sleep." Max felt an acidic sting of surprise in her heart when she heard El saying it. She quickly looked to her who grinned wide and melted her into a puddle.  
"And peaceful. That's why I didn't wake you up. But anyway, I don't have a problem waking up my lazy dad so let's go." She jumped out of bed, out of Max's reach.  
Max yawned and rose to awaken Jim Hopper from his beauty slumber. It wasn't fair that Max's was left to overthink and remember every seemingly significant but overall meaningless comment that sweetly churned out of El's mouth. Meanwhile it was easy for El to say such things without hesitation, without the burden of knowing that her friendly words could be misinterpreted by her friend. Max wanted to suffocate her feelings and scream in frustration. What else was she supposed to do?


	3. Girlfriends

The group was meeting up to greet Dustins girlfriend. Max was not looking forward to being around Mike or Lucas. Plus as excited as she always was to spend time with El, she still felt anxious because she didn't wanna fall any harder or mess her nonexistent chances up. She felt silly for still making an effort.   
But the whole secret crush situation with Lucas being there would make things even more awkward because he probably assumed Max would be getting back together with him shortly. The thing is, Max felt like she probably should. But she didn't want to anymore, not in the slightest. At first breaking up and getting back with him was solely a sign of her youthful, impulsive decision making at his every mistake. It didn't mean she didn't like him. But now that she and El had become friends, Max's focus was elsewhere entirely. She felt bad for it. Not only because El was another girl, not only because she was Lucas's friend but because it made her feel disloyal. She shouldn't have fallen so quickly, so deeply for someone else but she had. And she realized with the depth of the fall that her appreciation for girls was scarier than she had previously thought. It had been easy to ignore at first but now that she had her first intense crush on a girl it was pretty much impossible. And her feelings were growing so quickly, it felt ridiculous. But maybe it was ridiculous because it wasn't real. Maybe she was just mad at Lucas. Just trying to get revenge. Maybe all of this would go away in a couple days. Things could be normal again. She could be normal again.   
~

Max knocked on Dustin Henderson's front door with a deep breath. It swung open and Dustin greeted her frantically. "Come in! Max is here!" He turned and yelled.   
"Not Suzie though!" yelled back Lucas's voice. Once Max was inside and she walked into Dustins living room, she saw Mike, Will and Lucas sat together.   
"Max! Dustin is officially lying about his girlfriend." Said Lucas. Max didn't know how to respond. She sat by Will.   
"I'm not lying! Suzie will be here soon. She told me she'd be. She's just late." said Dustin.   
"Sure..." Max said.   
"I don't know if I believe you anymore either, Dustin." said Mike.  
"Why are you guys so obsessed over girlfriends lately?" asked Will.   
Max cringed. "Don't worry, Will. None of us have girlfriends." she said, wishing she was the exception. "None of us except me!" exclaimed Dustin.  
"Well then where is she?" asked Lucas.   
Knock knock knock.  
"Here!" Dustin grinned and ran to the door. They all heard him groan shortly after.   
"It's El!" he yelled and ran back. Mike and Max both straightened up (or at least Max wanted to.)   
El walked in wearing the new romper Max had helped her pick out.   
"Hi... where's Suzie?"   
"Dustins dreamland." said Max. Lucas snickered which made Max roll her eyes.   
"No, look, you guys have just got to be patient, okay? Sh-she'll be here soon." Dustin was getting flustered. Max looked at El and patted the couch cushion beside her. El glanced to Mike but quickly made her way over to Max.   
Lucas and Mike were whispering in each other's ears.   
"Max, you should really talk to me after Dustin gives up." Lucas said to her.   
"You should talk to me to, El. Just let me explain myself!" Mikes words left Max feeling hopeless. She knew she shouldn't try to control El. Max was trying to get El to stand up for herself more. But that didn't stop Max from wishing El would just stop caring about him.   
"It doesn't matter what either of you say." Max told them.   
"Come on, just give me another chance. You always forgive me." Lucas responded.   
Max knew she'd have to face this eventually.   
"Fine, we can talk. But don't expect anything. What about you El?"   
"I don't know. I don't feel like giving you another chance, Mike." El's bravery made Max smile.   
"I really need to tell you something, El." Mike said. "Maybe." El replied hesitantly.   
"Yes, thank you. Thank you."   
Knock knock knock knock knock  
"That's her! Now I know that has to be her!" Dustin cheerily said and ran to the door. They all looked to each other, confused.   
"Did he invite someone else?" Max asked.   
"It's her! It's Suzie!" Dustin shouted. He came back with a beaming girl, her brunette hair in pigtails. "Holy shit!" Max's jaw dropped. The rest of them had nothing to say except listen to Dustin in shock as he pointed to each of them in a row.   
"Suzie, meet El, Max, Will, Lucas and Mike. Guys, meet my girlfriend Suzie-poo. She's not a phantom. She's a goddess."   
"Hello everyone! I've been just simply aching to meet those who keep my Dusty-bun accompanied!"   
"Well... hello Suzie." Said Lucas.   
"Did she just say Dusty-bun?" Max asked.   
"I did. Is that a problem?" Suzie replied sassily.   
"Oh, no just... unexpected."   
"Well... nice to meet you, Suzie." Will said.   
"Lovely to meet you, too, Mike."   
"No, thats Will. Mike is the one moping about his ex El." said Dustin.   
"Whoops, hi Will." Suzie corrected herself.   
"I'm Mike. And I'm not moping!"   
"Yes you are, Mike," said Lucas "you're moping even more than I am over Max." he said, looking over to Max who rolled her eyes once again.   
"So we can all be friends?" Asked Suzie.   
"Of course, Suzie." said Will.   
"I'd love to have some more girl friends." said El. Max almost fell over.   
"Great!" exclaimed Suzie, pushing her round, large glasses up her curved nose bridge and toward her wide, brown eyes.   
Dustin and Suzie explained their story in unnecessary detail for the remainder of the time. Max became preoccupied with the dreading of talking to Lucas. And before she knew it, that time had come. Everyone was leaving and Lucas approached Max.   
"Let's go outside." he said.   
"Fine." she replied and fumbled with her fingers as they walked out the door and began walking.   
"Max, can't you understand how I don't mean to hurt your feelings? I just say what I think. I thought you liked that about me."   
"I did. I do. But I'm sick of this cycle. I don't want to keep breaking up and getting back together. It's tiring. I just want some peace!" Max explained, frustrated.   
"You want some peace? I'm the one who puts up with you getting all angry and... saying how you wanna be independent from me and then changing your mind like a light switch! You don't think that messes with my head?"   
"It's not like I do it for no reason. And besides, I thought you liked when I thought for myself. The point is, I want things to be stable. I don't want to have to feel like I have to break things off with us every minute. And clearly that's not what's happening. So let's just focus on ourselves and wait until we're older to be in relationships."   
"But what's the point of waiting when we like each other and we can learn with each other? I thought one day when we were older we would have a special connection because we had that experience together. Why do you have to take things too seriously between us now when we can work our way to a more serious place slowly. In the mean time, we can just have fun. And I know we'll have to learn some things on our own, but why not be there for each other at the end of the day? That's how it's always been between us. We'd always be there in the end. I thought I'd gained your trust. I thought you agreed we worked well together. I might be dorky to you but we're both headstrong and-"   
"I get it! I know you think we're so perfect together but what if I'm different from what you think? What if I need to figure myself out alone right now? You don't help anymore. You just make things harder. And you're doing that right now, you're making it so difficult for me to choose the right decision. I just want to figure this out myself!" The two had stopped walking and were just yelling at each other now.   
"Figure what out? It shouldn't be so hard to figure us out. We just stay together and work harder to understand each other. I really want to be with you, Max. You're the only one I want."   
"Well maybe you're not the only one I want!"


	4. I Can’t Tell

The moment Max said it, she wanted to slap herself in the face. Her heart sank, her mind overflowed with regret and fear. Lucas's hickory brown eyes widened and his mouth trembled. There was no taking it back now. It felt like time had stopped. "You like someone else?" asked Lucas quietly. "That's what this is about? You've moved on to someone else? I'm not as good as him?" Lucas's face shriveled up and a hot tear squeezed out of his eye. "I really did trust you. I shouldn't have thought you'd want to stay with me."  
Lucas's heart ached and he felt like an idiot. He thought it was just another normal, routine break up for them and Max would go back to being his again, he could be hers. But he was wrong.  
"I thought you were cool. I thought you were sweet. But have you really just been using me like a toy this whole time? Breaking up with me because you liked some other boy?"  
"No! I didn't mean it."  
"So you don't like someone else?"  
"Well..."  
"Don't talk to me anymore, Max. You're not my friend. We should've never let you into the group." Lucas went to go get his bike.  
Max didn't know what to do. She was breathing heavily. Lucas thought Max was cheating on him. He thought she was using him. How was she supposed to explain this? She couldn't just tell him about El. She ran after him.  
"Lucas, please, please don't tell anyone!" Lucas twisted around, enraged.  
"Why? So you can keep manipulating us? My friends don't need someone like you. They deserve to know the truth! Do you honestly think... I'm going to just shut up and keep my feelings to myself for your benefit when all you've been doing is using me?"  
"I haven't been using you! I didn't feel this way the whole time. But things are changing, Lucas."  
"I thought I was the only one you could think of like that."  
"We broke up. It's not up to you what I feel." "Have I ever tried to control your feelings? I never forced you, I hardly ever even got mad at you after you broke up with me. You did that because of your feelings, and I never tried to control them. So don't pretend I'm in the wrong. You're supposed to be loyal to me. I've been loyal. How could you randomly get over me so quickly?" Lucas's brain was racing. He couldn't believe that this whole time the girl he cared for devotedly was basically lying this whole time, pretending to return his feelings.  
"Lucas, please just let me talk. I let you talk."  
"Oh thanks. I really appreciate you letting me pour my heart out to you, only for you to stomp on it. It doesn't matter what you say."  
"You think I want to feel this way? No! I wish it were easier. I wish I only ever liked you and nothing ever changed and I could just ignore any other feelings. But it's not that simple and I can't just keep what I know in my heart closed off. You think you understand but you just don't."  
"Then make me understand! I deserve an explanation. You broke my heart."  
"No. You don't deserve to know what I'm struggling with just because it's inconvenient for you."  
"What the hell are you even talking about? You make everything sound so dramatic all the time! Just tell me who he is! When did you meet him? Is he one of my friends? Is it Mike?"  
Max wanted to burst out sobbing. The pressure was too much, she wanted to scream now more than ever. Both of them were confused and scared and holding back tears. Neither could remember the last time they'd been so frustrated over something like this. In fact, neither of them ever had been. It hurt for both of them to see someone they cared for like this. But it also hurt to feel so misunderstood and pained.  
"No! And they're my friends too! I've never thought of Mike like that! And don't you dare blame me for how I'm feeling. I wish I could control it. I'm not being dramatic. You just don't understand because you can't!"  
"Just tell me who he is!"  
Every time Lucas said "he" Max felt a nervous jolt up her body. She wished that it was a he. She almost wished it were Mike. Max felt so weak. She just let the tears fall down her red, freckled face and gave up.  
"I can't." Max quietly said, unable to look Lucas in the eye. There were ten seconds on silence and then the sound of Lucas on his bike, leaving. Max stood there, not knowing what to think or how to feel for what felt like an eternity.  
"Max?" El's soft voice was close. Max looked up to see El's furrowed eyebrows and open jaw. Max almost wanted to blame El for this. But then she realized how ridiculous that would be. So Max just laughed. She didn't know what else to do but look at El and laugh at how stupid she felt. She couldn't do anything anymore. She was hopeless and soon she wouldn't have any friends. Tears drifted out of her worn out, blue eyes and her sandstone orange hair stuck to her wet face. The laughs morphed into sobs and soon Max was standing there feeling pathetically stupid and sobbing silently. El ran to Max and draped her arms around her friend. Max gave in and steadied her body into El's firm embrace. How could it feel so comforting and yet so painful to be in the arms of the girl who had caused all this emotion and turmoil inside of Max. Max could hear El's heartbeat. She felt a strange sense of peace in that moment, despite how selfish and disgusting she felt as well. El said nothing and just held her. She kissed Max's forehead so softly that it almost went unnoticed. This gave Max a flurry of emotion all over again. The girls stayed like that until Max's tears dried and she looked up at El in humiliation, her eyelashes wet and her face flushed. El's sweet chocolate colored eyes stared back.  
"Let's go to my home." she suggested.  
"I wouldn't want to-"  
"Please, Max."  
"Well... alright."  
~

Nothing was said on the way. Just an occasional sob from Max and El rubbing her back.  
Once the girls got to El's house Max felt defeated. She was almost never in a position like this, left as the one in need of comfort. She wasn't used to it and especially from El, although Max trusted her, she felt embarrassed.  
Mr. Hopper was at work as the police chief there in Hawkins, Indiana. Which meant the little house was empty. "I'll get you some water. You should go to my room, I'll be there in a second." El told Max who did just that.  
Max sat on El's bed awkwardly and noticed that the picture of Mike from Halloween that had been on her bedside table was gone. Max blew her nose into some tissues, threw them out and took a deep breath, rubbing her arms.  
El came in the room with a wet rag and a glass of water. She sat down next to Max and handed her the water. "Thanks... I really appreciate all this." said Max with a sad grin. "You don't have to thank me. You're my friend." Max drank the water and set it down, laying back and heaving a sigh.  
El laid on her stomach and reached out her hand to slowly move the messy hair on Max's face out of the way. Max was confused but she let it happen. El patted Max's face with the hot rag. "You don't have to take care of me..." whispered Max but El just shook her head and looked down into Max's eyes.  
Oh how desperately Max would've loved to kiss her then. It made her want to keep crying just imagining it. Max's heart had never felt such softness over anyone. Even with Lucas she would've usually just told him she could do it herself. But why was she thinking of him now? She was so anxious that he would tell El what happened.  
"Do you wanna tell me what happened?" El asked quietly. Her face was so close to Max's that Max could feel her breath. "I'm not getting back with him. I'm... I'm just sick of him and us not working out how I want us to, is all. And he thinks I like someone else so he feels betrayed." El's eyebrows raised.  
"You don't though, right? I mean he shouldn't assume that."  
"... He's just paranoid. He doesn't understand."  
"I'm sorry, Max. I didn't get back with Mike either." A wave of relief washed over Max.  
"I don't feel the way I used to. I might still care about him but... I've been feeling different lately."  
"Yeah?"  
"Yeah. You know Max, I think you and I should keep getting closer. You're different from our other friends. Is that weird? You don't have to..."  
"I want to. I want to be best friends." Max said. El grinned, stopped patting Max's face with the rag and put it down.  
"Yeah. Best friends."  
"So what did Mike say to you?" asked Max.  
"He told me I should get back with him since he had to lie. But I already told him I don't care. I still don't want to be with him. I've realized that my feelings are just different now. I like not having a boyfriend." "Yeah. Me too." Max grinned.  
"Let's have another sleepover tonight." El said. "Tonight?"  
"Is that too quick?"  
"N-no. I'd love to."  
Maybe this would be Max's chance.


	5. Truth or Dare

Max was scared she would say something stupid again like last time she had a sleepover with El. She was scared of a lot of things right now. But maybe this would help take her mind off of the inevitable confrontation she'd have to make with what she blurted out to Lucas. Maybe it would be better if she just made some boy up. She couldn't risk her friends leaving her because she had a crush on El. 

The sleepover had been going on for a while and the girls were pondering what to do next.  
"What should we do?" Asked Max.  
"Hmm... Oh! Lets play truth or dare." Said El.  
"Um... there's only two of us." said Max.  
"Yeah but I got some truth or dare cards so it gives us the truths and dares. Let me go get them." Max was nervous. This could get interesting. But at least it would give her something to do other than gaze at El's beauty awkwardly like someone at an art gallery with a fresh black eye.  
"I've never played this before. But I got the cards with some other games and things for something like this." said El excitedly before sitting down on the bed across from Max with the cards in her hands.  
The cards were all covered in butterflies and hearts for some reason.  
"Should I start?" asked El.  
"Sure."  
"Umm... dare or truth?"  
Max giggled. Everything El did was cute to Max. "You mean truth or dare." she said.  
"What's the difference?"  
"I don't know... that's just how people say it."  
"Okay... uh truth or dare?" asked El.  
Max was unsure which could end up being worse. So she went with what she liked best.  
"Dare."  
El laughed excitedly and picked up a card from the dare pile. "I dare you to do 25 sit ups."  
Max groaned and got on the floor. Maybe she could impress El though! El giggled while Max began the sit ups.  
Max got to twelve and wanted to collapse but she kept going for El.  
"You can do it, Max!" El clapped her hands.  
Once Max got to 25 her face was flushed and she was heaving. Why couldn't she be stronger?  
"Good job Max! I would die if I tried that." El said and reached her hand down for Max who took it and was lifted up off the ground.  
"It was... nothing." Max said.  
"My turn!" said El, pushing the cards to Max.  
"Okay. Truth or dare?" Max controlled her breath.  
"Dare!"  
Max flipped over the card.  
Kiss the person across from you for seven seconds  
Max's eyes widened and her face got redder than it already had been. Her mind was racing.  
"What is it?" asked El.  
"No! I mean... let me just pick another one."  
"Noo come on! Tell me, Max!" El giggled and leaned over to see the card.  
"It wants us to kiss..." Max muttered, embarrassed.  
"Well lets do it!" El exclaimed, unable to control her laughter.  
A surprised jolt ran down Max's spine. Max had no idea how to respond. This wasn't fair to El. To her it was just a funny kiss. To Max it was something else entirely. Max internally panicked.  
"I mean... you don't have to if you don't want to." said Max.  
"Nah, let's just do it, okay?" El grabbed Max's hands and shook them.  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yeah. I've never kissed a girl. All I've kissed is Mike. And I don't want him to be the only one I ever kiss." El said.  
"Well... alright."  
"On the count of three... 1,2,3."  
El leaned in, still holding Max's hands. Max squeezed her eyes shut and tried to clear her mind. In a split second El's lips were on Max's.  
Max's hands were almost shaking. El's soft lips were just as gentle as Max had imagined. It was unreal to her. El's head turned to the side and she squeezed Max's hand subtly.  
Max's heart felt like runny jelly and she kissed El back.  
Was she supposed to be counting?  
Max felt the tip of El's tongue on hers and her eyes flickered but she kissed her back. Max pulled her mouth back a bit shyly but El leaned in and gave Max another short kiss before pulling away herself and laughing. Max smiled and looked down. El let go of her hands.  
"You're a good kisser. And not all... messy like Mike." said El before laughing.  
Max shook her head and blushed even harder. She couldn't believe this. Max didn't expect this at all. She was stunned. She bursted out into laughter with El and leaned back. This was torture to Max but it was the happiest she had felt in quite a while.  
It definitely took her mind off of the rest of the day. "So are you, El." said Max shyly, hardly able to believe what she was saying.  
"Why thank you, Maxine. If only my dad knew. He got so mad at me for kissing Mike in here. And now I'm kissing you too. Anyway it's your turn now!"  
Max took in a breath.  
"Truth or dare?"  
"Truth."  
She read the card with a pause.  
"How did the last turn make you feel?"  
"What? Umm well it was... fun?" Was that what she should say? Was that too much?  
"Yeah." El laughed.  
El thought kissing Max was fun. Max could cry.  
The sound of the front door opening made them both turn to look outside the open bedroom door to see Hopper walk in. The girls got up to greet him.  
"You're home already." said El.  
"Yeah, but I'm leaving again soon. Hi Max."  
"Hello, Mr. Hopper."  
"Can she stay? Please?" asked El.  
"I'm not a dog." laughed Max.  
"Well sure you can, Max. Of course. But I won't be getting back until pretty late." said Hopper.  
"Where are you going?" asked El.  
"To have dinner with Joyce." He hesitantly said.  
"You mean as like a date?" asked Max with a smile.  
"No, not as a date. Just a friendly get together."  
"Sure. Friendly." said Max. El laughed.  
"B-be quiet." said Jim Hopper, frustrated.  
He went to get dressed and the girls smiled at each other.  
"Do you think they like each other?" whispered Max.  
"I know they like each other." whispered El back.  
They giggled.  
"What do we do now?" asked El.  
"Uh... I have no idea." said Max. The kiss was still on her mind. She could almost still feel El's lips. She realized what she was thinking and snapped out of it.  
"Let's take a photo together." said El.  
"Sure."  
El went to go get Hoppers camera and Max sat down. She felt stuck. She didn't know what to do about this. She'd have to talk to Lucas later. But right now she could just enjoy being with her crush.  
Hopper came back wearing his dorky pastel shirt with El and the camera.  
"You girls want a picture together?"  
"Yeah." Max said.  
El came over to Max as Hopper got the camera ready. El put her arm around Max's shoulder. Max didn't want to blush for this photo. She didn't know what to do so she just put her arm around El's shoulder too.  
"Ready?" asked Hopper.  
"Ready." said El.  
The girls smiled wide for their polaroid photo and Hopper gave it to El. Now they had several different pictures together and Max had their photo shoot from Starcourt mall.  
"I'm gonna leave now, El. I'll be back soon." said Hopper.  
"Bye, dad. Have fun on your date." said El.  
"It's not a date!"  
"Okay!" yelled Max. El laughed.  
Hopper sighed and left.  
"I'm gonna put this by my bed so I'll forget all about that photo I had of Mike." said El, shaking the photo.  
Max didn't know how to respond. Knowing that El would see Max's face basically every morning when she woke up kind of made Max want to fall over.  
El went to her room and Max followed instead of falling.  
"Do you feel any better after that fight you had?" asked El.  
"Yeah. I think it'll be okay. I just have to talk to him more."  
said Max.  
"Yeah. It's gonna work out. You'll find someone else anyway."  
"You think?"  
"I know. It just has to be someone you know you won't wanna leave."  
Max wished it was El as she looked into her brown eyes. El smiled with the mouth Max had kissed. Max was doomed.  
~

Later that night after El and Max had read a bunch of comics together and ate junk food, they were watching TV on the couch.  
"Let's watch something scary. This show is kind of boring." said Max.  
"I don't like scary."  
"Come on, it won't be too bad. Let's see if The Twilight Zone is still playing."  
"But scary stuff... scares me!" El exclaimed.  
Max laughed. "It'll be fun. Besides, The Twilight Zone isn't even actually scary at all."  
"To you."  
"Please? Scary movies or at least tv shows are sleepover essentials!"  
El sighed. "Fine."  
"Yes!" Max switched to CBS in the middle of a Twilight Zone episode.  
El scooted closer to Max in fear.  
"I already don't like this." she said.  
"You're such a scaredy cat."  
"Whatever."  
El started breathing heavily when it got scarier and Max giggled. She wished she could tell her how cute she was.  
"Hide me." said El when she grabbed onto Max who grinned down at her and patted her head.  
"It's okay, El." Max laughed a little.  
"No, it's not okay." said El, gripping around Max's shoulders.  
Max blushed yet again. She awkwardly, gently put her arm on El's back to comfort her.  
El was scooting even closer to Max. Max gulped.  
A firm knock sounded on the front door and El screamed which made Max scream and change the channel quickly. They heard a mans voice outside scream in return.  
The door unlocked quickly and El screamed again, pulling Max closer.  
"Ouch!" Max said.  
"What's wrong? Did something happen?" Hopper frantically asked as he walked in and shut the door.  
Max started laughing hysterically when El sighed in relief.  
"No, nothing happened!" El said, standing, "You just surprised us."  
"Well... okay." said Hopper, confused.  
"How did your d- your friendly get together with Mrs. Byers go?" asked Max.  
Hopper forced back a smile and blushed.  
"It... um it went nicely."  
El grinned at Max.  
"You girls should get to sleep now."  
"We will." said El.  
They retreated to El's room where El gave Max some pajamas like they had last time.  
Once they were both changed and ready the two got into bed and turned off the lamp.  
"That was so scary, I'm not doing that again." said El.  
"Oh please, we didn't even watch that much."  
"You just like to see me in pain."  
Max laughed. "God, no! Quite the opposite. I just thought it would be fun."  
El smiled at her and pulled the covers up closer to her face, scooting a bit closer to Max.  
"Good night, Max." she said softly.  
"Good night."  
Max shut her eyes and tried to focus on anything other than her jumbled thoughts. El's breathing was a lullaby for her.


	6. Secret

The day after the sleepover Max decided she needed to confront Lucas about this situation sooner rather than later. She didn't want to suddenly have her friendships affected. She didn't want the people she cared about to think she was untrustworthy. As desperately as Max wanted to avoid the situation, she knew she had to talk to her ex. And honestly she didn't want things to stay like this forever. Maybe she wasn't fully sure what she wanted but Max knew she didn't want to let her connection with Lucas fall apart just because of some stupid drama.   
She dialed his number into the phone and listened to it ring, trying to fill the pit in her stomach with deep breaths. To her surprise, she heard Lucas's bitter voice.   
"What do you want, Max?"  
"I'm sorry. I want to tell you more about this but it's not exactly what you think it is. I want to be your friend but I just don't feel the way I used to about you. I wish I did but I just don't. I know it's all sudden and I know I disappointed you but I can't help it."   
There was a pause. Lucas took a deep breath.   
"I don't know. You should've told me from the start."  
"Well I wasn't sure what I was feeling when it first began. Please, just... I want you to try and understand that this is hard for me just like it is for you. It's not like I want to hurt you. You're treating me like I'm purposely ruining things between us. But I don't want things to be ruined. And if I didn't ever tell you they probably would've been without a doubt." Max's voice was wavering a bit.  
"Can we just talk about this in person? Please? Maybe I was taking things out on you on some level. But that doesn't mean I'm going to blame myself for this."   
"I never asked you to. I just want to figure this out and honestly I don't know if I can do it all myself anymore. Can you and I meet by the hill?"  
"Right now?"  
"Well if you can. I just want to get this over with."  
"Fine." Lucas said and hung up bluntly.  
~

Max had been sitting at the edge of the hill for only a couple minutes which felt much longer. She saw Lucas walking toward her from the distance and had nothing to do but awkwardly wait for him to get closer. She expected a greeting from him but he just looked at the ground the closer he got and sat down beside her without a word.   
"Are you okay?" she asked.  
He just shrugged. "I guess."  
There was silence for a couple seconds before Lucas finally looked at Max in the eye.   
"Why can't you just tell me who it is?" Lucas asked.  
"Why do you care so much?"   
"What do you mean? I want to at least know who my replacement is."   
"I'm not replacing you! The person doesn't even like me back."   
"What? Well then... why can't you just stay with me?"  
"Lucas, do you really want me to be with you when you know that I don't like you anymore?"   
He looked to the floor. "No. But just-"   
"You don't wanna know, okay?" Max told him, crossing her lightly freckled arms.  
"So it's a boy I know?"  
"...No."  
"Then what? Is he bad news or something?"  
"No."   
"Just please tell me. I won't hurt your crush or anything. I just... in order to forgive you for this and be friends again I want an explanation."   
Max looked him in the eyes silently. "You actually want to be friends again? I thought you hated me."   
"Well... I don't know. I think you're right. I don't want things to be messed up between us forever. That's why I want to know who this person is, so I can get a better understanding of all this. I really don't think this is all your fault. But you still shouldn't have moved on so quickly. You know I can't just get over you."  
"I know." Max said quietly.  
"Look, Max. I didn't tell anyone yet. I couldn't. I was too upset."   
Max's eyebrows raised. "Really?" she asked.   
Lucas nodded.   
"Thanks... but... stop acting like this is something I owe you."   
"I know it's not. But I just want to know. And you know I'm not gonna stop asking until you tell me."  
"Fine, just... well. It's complicated, Lucas. There's a reason I don't wanna tell anyone. It's... ugh, it's scary, okay?"   
"Okay, now I'm just weirded out. Is it an adult? Oh my god! Is it Mr. Clarke?"   
"No! Oh my god, no! Why did you think of Mr. Clarke?"  
"I don't know! It's just the first thing that came to mind when I thought of potential adults it could be. Wait... is it... Steve?"   
"Oh my god! Lucas, no! It's not an adult! And it's certainly not Steve."   
Lucas bursted out laughing and Max heaved a sigh. This was ridiculous. But at least he wasn't all angry anymore.   
"Lucas, when I tell you this, please promise you won't tell anyone. Or hate me. Or tell our friends." "Okay, okay. I won't tell anyone. But why would I hate you? You're freaking me out. Just tell me."   
"Okay." Max took a deep breath. She felt anxious. This was impossible.   
"Wait, can I just like give you hints?"   
Lucas groaned. "Fine. Give me a hint."  
"It's... someone who... you know."   
"So you lied?"   
"No."   
"Yes, you did. I asked if it was someone I knew and you said no."   
"You didn't ask if it was someone you knew. You... asked if it was a boy you knew."   
"Okay, very funny smart ass. Same thing. Just tell me already!"  
"Okay! It's... ugh. This is so hard!"   
"Spit it out!"   
"I can't!"   
"Just do it! Now! Now!"   
"Oh my god!"   
"Maxine! If you don't-"   
"It's El!"   
Lucas blinked and opened his mouth.   
"El as in... El Hopper our friend El?"   
"Um yeah." Max forced out.   
"...Oooh." Lucas said.   
Max shook her head and sighed.   
"That explains a lot."   
"Do you hate me?"   
"No Max... once again, why would I hate you? I didn't know it was... so... complicated."   
"I told you it was."   
"Yeah, sorry. But Max. I understand. It still hurts but... well I definitely don't hate you. I could never hate you." said Lucas.   
"Thank you. This means a lot to me. God, it feels so good to let it out. I mean, I just don't know what to do. I'm so scared. There's no way she feels the same. Is there something wrong with me?"   
"No. There's nothing wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with liking other girls. It's not like you can control it anyway. Don't blame yourself for other peoples problems if they can't accept you."  
"But imagine what my family would think. Billy would kill me. And the shitheads at school would hate me."  
"So what? You're a million times cooler than them. You know they bully me too just for being black. And that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with me. Just like there's nothing wrong with you for liking girls. They're obviously not the brightest and I know you're stronger than to let it get to you."   
"You're right... but what about my family? I'll eventually wanna tell them about something so important to me instead of feeling like I'm hiding. And what would El think? She would never hang out with me again."   
"I don't know about your family... I mean you definitely don't have to tell them now at least. I know how messed up they are and honestly I don't think they deserve to be able to judge you over you just being yourself."  
"Thank you, Lucas. It really is so helpful to finally talk to someone about these feelings. It's like I've always just pushed them down. And it does sort of terrify me to think of what I'll tell my family but I... I just know I can't keep ignoring this. I'm happy you're here for me at least."   
"Of course I am. Our friends and I wouldn't think any differently of you either way. We're always here for each other. Really, we are family." Lucas said.  
Max smiled. "I guess you're right. God, I'm sorry for getting so mad at you."  
"Let's... not do that again." Lucas said.  
"Yeah."  
"And Max, I think El would understand."   
"Maybe. But she wouldn't feel the same way."   
"How do you know?"   
"Because, Lucas... what are the chances of her liking girls too, let alone liking me."   
"Max, you're wonderful. Why wouldn't El like you?"  
"Forget it. I can't tell her now."   
"Fine. Not now. But you have to soon."   
"Why?"   
"She should know."   
"But I can't just... ugh. I don't know." said Max.  
"Whatever. But Max, can I ask you something?"  
"What?"   
"Did you... ever like me?"   
"...What?"   
"I mean how does this work with you? Do you just like girls?"   
"I don't know... I don't think so but I at least think I like them more than boys. I liked you I thought. But now I'm so confused. I can't tell if... maybe I just thought I liked you because I liked you as a friend but you liked me so I thought I liked you."   
"Uh what?"   
"I don't know!"   
"Okay, okay. You don't have to know. At least not right now." Lucas said.   
Max sighed.   
"Lucas, there's something else I didn't tell you."   
"Oh no. What?"   
"Umm I kinda kissed El."  
"What? So she already knows!"  
"No! It was in a game of truth or dare. She had cards and they told us to kiss. So we did."   
"Oh my god!"  
"Whatever. It doesn't mean anything. I had to tell her it was fun because she got a card that asked about the last round and what we thought of it. It was terrible. But... wonderful."  
"Um that doesn't even sound like a real card. Are you fully sure she didn't just make that up?"  
"Why would she do that?"  
"I'm telling you. I don't think you realize it but she might like you back."   
"Don't get my hopes up."  
"Okay. Then look through the cards and tell me if that was one of them."  
"And when am I supposed to do that exactly?"  
"I don't know! Just read them next time you're at her home. Like just take them in the bathroom with you or something."   
"There are quite a few cards."  
"So what? Just let her think you're pooping."  
"Lucas!"  
"What? She won't mind. Mike is way grosser than you and she didn't mind with him. And speaking of Mike, he told me El told him she didn't like him anymore. I would've expected her feelings to stay just a little longer than that. Just like I would've with you. So maybe she's moved on."  
"And you think she's moved on to me?"  
"Well wouldn't she have told you if it was someone else?"  
"I don't know!"   
"I'm just saying. Look through the cards."   
"Fine." Max said with a sigh, overwhelmed.  
"And Max?"  
"Yes?"  
"I think you should tell our other friends."  
"Why? So they can all know and therefore El will have to find out? So Mike can hate me?"   
"Max, we love you. We will accept you and I don't think you should keep this away from them. They won't tell El. They'll understand. And Mike won't hate you."  
"Oh really?"  
"Okay, just maybe a little bit at first. But just a little! He'll understand too."   
"Fine. I'll tell them soon. But I just need to clear my head."  
"Alright. Well. Now I'll have to tell my mom not to hate you anymore."  
"What?"

Max laid in her bed that night unsure of what to think about the events of the day. Could she really tell El or even the others about her feelings? Maybe Lucas was wrong. Could he have really understood? She could hardly sleep with the memory of the kiss with El on her mind. Was there even a sliver of a chance that El could have possibly felt close to the same way Max did?


	7. Strawberry

Max wished she could be brave. She wished that she didn't care what people thought, that her feelings were enough to melt any insecurities into irrelevance. But Max wasn't even sure what to make of her feelings, so how could she possibly stand proudly before them? She wished this wasn't such a sensitive, embarrassing, confusing area for her. But still, she found herself surrounded by her friends in the Starcourt mall, her mind in El's bedroom the moment their lips had gently touched. That moment was sticky as tree sap in the back of Max's racing mind since the emotional day it had occurred. Yes it was distracting and yes it was conflicting and yet Max couldn't help but to find relief in that the one moment of glee had set her free of solely being miserable. She also got to be smiley. Even if it was absurd. 

She looked around and wondered what they'd all think if they only knew. The thought made her blush and she looked down at her shifting, worn sneakers.

Scattered crowds of shoppers and lingering high schoolers chatted throughout the mall. Max felt awkward with El, Lucas and her all together. She saw Lucas notice her consistently glancing at El. It was rather torturous knowing that he knew and that if he truly wanted to he could blurt out anything in the moment. She tried to act like she didn't even notice El. And even if El did reject him, Mike was also giving Max an uneasy sensation in her stomach. Maybe Max was just being jealous and ridiculous but imagining how El still liked Mike made her scared.

"Guys, I'm gonna go find Steve. Who wants to come with me?" asked Dustin.   
"I'll go." Max hastily volunteered. She looked to El, hoping that she'd say yes. Every second spent with El somehow simultaneously cheered up Max and got her nervous and she wanted to soak it all in. But El said nothing.

"Come on." Dustin took Max off to Scoops Ahoy, the ice cream shop where Steve worked.   
It didn't take long to reach the area. Steve Harrington stood in his dorky, white and blue sailor outfit which Max snorted at the sight of. Steve and Dustin greeted each other loudly and Max crossed her arms.   
"Hey, Max. Want some ice cream?" asked Steve.  
"Yeah, get me some strawberry." she said, fishing for change in her jean pocket.   
Robin, the other young adult at the shop emerged with a small smile.   
"Hi. Are you another one of the kids he babysits?" she asked Max.   
"Uh... I guess so." Max said.  
"I'm Robin."  
"I'm Max."   
"I have to talk to you, Max." said Lucas.  
Max turned around to see him approaching timidly.   
"What is it?" asked Max, her eyebrows knitting.   
Lucas licked his lips nervously and gently dragged her by the arm over to a table.   
"It's about El." he said in a quiet tone.  
A rush of fear chased up Max's spine.   
"You told her, didn't you?"   
"No! But... this boy called Oliver just asked her out. And... she said yes."   
Max immediately got the nervous feeling in her gut again and she widened her eyes.   
"It was so weird. We were just sitting there and he came up and asked if El was single. And she said yes. Then he asked if she wanted to meet him in the same place another time and they exchanged phone numbers. And it seemed like she... was happy."  
Max could collapse. It was like she was spinning. How could she respond to something out of nowhere like this?  
"I'm sorry. There was nothing I could do. You can still tell her how you feel if you want to."  
"No! It's not that easy. I can't believe I thought there was even a minuscule chance that she'd ever..." Max groaned and sat down at the table. "Just... just please go away. I want to be alone." Max's face was flushed and she couldn't believe that this had happened so quickly. It was just so much all at once.  
"Are you sure? I don't want to just go away." Lucas said.  
"Please..." Max's eyes were clouding with stinging tears and her voice was quivering slightly.   
She sat with her hand awkwardly concealing her red face until she heard Lucas walk away. Why did she even care? It's not like it made a difference either way. Was Max just selfish and stupid?  
"Max? What's wrong? Was that Lucas" Max looked up to a gaping Dustin.   
"Yeah. It's, um. Nothing." she wiped her damp eye.  
"You guys have been acting kind of weird. Did something happen?"   
"No. Maybe. I..."  
"Is it about the breakup? You can just tell me. I won't be mad at Lucas."   
"It's complicated. I can't really tell you. He's the only one I've told."  
"Do you wanna go back behind the counter?" Dustin offered.  
"Um.. yeah." Max got up and went toward the room, passing Steve.   
"Really, Dustin. I'm sorry but I just can't talk right now." She told him.   
Dustin paused. "Okay. But I'm here if you want to." He ran a hand through his curls and walked off.   
Max sighed and entered the room. She saw Robin sat in a chair.   
"Are you alright?" Asked Robin.   
Max just looked to the ground and sat beside her.   
"No."  
"Is it anything strawberry ice cream can't fix?" Robin grinned, holding out the cone.   
"Oh, sorry. I forgot about that..." Max sadly laughed, taking the ice cream and licking it.   
"Do you wanna talk about it?"   
"I wish I could. I don't think anyone understands."  
"Maybe I will."   
Max didn't mind telling a curious stranger a detail or two so she fidgeted with her fingers and gave in.   
"Well... there's someone I like. And I knew we didn't stand a chance. But I just found out this crush of mine got asked out by someone else and said yes. And now I just don't know what to do."  
"Hm. Well I know what it feels like to have a hopeless crush. It's like there isn't much you can do."  
"This ones a little different." Max laughed.  
"I think mines a little different too."   
"Really? How?" Max asked in a defeated tone.  
"Well if it makes you feel any better I guess I'll tell you. Promise you'll keep it a secret?" Robin asked.  
"Yeah. I'm trustworthy."  
"Well... my crush is on a girl."  
Max raised her eyebrows and straightened her back in surprise. It was like a miracle.  
"Should I not have told you? Shit. Just joking haha sorry."  
"So is mine." Max blurted out suddenly, her jaw unclasping.   
"Wh- wait really?" Robin asked in amazement.   
"Yeah. Oh my god. My crush is my friend. I've been wondering if I'd ever meet someone else who..."  
"Oh, I think girls like us are more common than we say. Don't worry. We're not alone."  
"Wow! I just can't believe this. I'm so relieved..." Max rubbed her forehead. She was stunned.   
"Hey, well... I'm here for you if you want to talk about this." Robin said.   
"Well... El... her name is El. She broke up with our friend Mike and then we had a sleepover and we kissed on a dare and I told our friend Lucas who was dating me and he just told me that El just said yes to a boy who asked her out."  
"Wow! My story isn't nearly that complicated. I just have a crush on a girl who had a crush on Steve. At least you got to kiss your crush."  
"Yeah, it was really nice. And I wouldn't take it back. But at the same time... it's like it's just giving me a taste of something I can't have." It was satisfying to let it pour out to someone who truly understood.  
"Man... that's true."  
"What are you two doing" asked Steve.   
Max turned to him. Robin leaned in to whisper into Max's ear.   
"He knows about me. He's fine with it. Just so you know."  
Max swallowed.   
"Why are you whispering."  
"We're... talking about something I'm dealing with. Something we both deal with." said Max.  
"... Oh no. Is it girl... cycle stuff? I'm sorry." Steve turned around to leave, swallowing.  
"No, Steve! Your child is trying to open up to you." said Robin.   
He turned back around.  
"Oh, I'm sorry, Max. What is it?"  
"Steve... it's kind of overwhelming for me to tell so many people this right now. In fact, I'm surprised any of this is happening. But... if you'll support me than... can I tell you something I'm dealing with?"  
"Oh... well of course." Steve said, confused.   
"I... I like girls. I mean I'm... attracted to them."  
"... Oh. For a second I was worried. Well... I'm glad you feel like you can tell me. There's nothing wrong with that, Max."  
Max smiled. Somehow it felt better than she expect to talk about this. At least to people like them. It felt nice for people she trusted to know.   
Steve smiled sweetly at Max.   
"I have to go scoop ice cream now." he said and left.   
Today was moving so quickly. Max was still scared about El but she felt a sense of relief and peace. She just wasn't ready to face El yet. Why on earth did El agree to a date? It seemed like she was so against such a thing before.   
"Hey Max. I remember when I was your age I was really in denial about all this kind of stuff. But you don't need to be. I mean it's hard. But there's no reason to be ashamed just because you're different. Really, if you're struggling with it... feel free to visit Scoops. Or call my number if you want to." Robin scribbled down her phone number on a scrap of notebook paper and handed it to a grateful Max. Robin beamed at her and pushed a strand of her hair out of her freckled face.   
"Thank you, Robin."


	8. Unsteady

Max and El were having ice cream at Scoops Ahoy and Max's stomach still churned with anxiety every time she thought of that boy El was going on a date with. She didn't like being jealous but she couldn't help it. She decided she needed to ask about it.  
"I heard you said yes to a boy who... asked you out?" Max restrained her body from cringing uncomfortably while mentioning it.   
"Yeah."  
Max shifted.  
"I thought you didn't want to date anyone... I mean I'm not telling you what to do but... just what changed your mind?"  
"I just think maybe if I force myself my mind will change."  
"What do you mean?"  
"Maybe... my feelings will go away if I just go on a date. I don't know."  
"So... do you um like him?"  
El giggled shyly.   
"No. I mean he's kind of cute I guess but I don't even know anything about him. And I don't really think anything will happen but I... I don't know how to explain it. Maybe it was stupid of me to say yes. I know I should stray away from boys but I just feel like I... have to do this almost. Like maybe it happened right now for a reason."  
Max didn't understand this logic, in fact she found it quite unfortunate but she knew she shouldn't try and stop El. Even if the thought of all this made her queasy. It's not like it made a difference. She was being dramatic.  
"Oh and I didn't even tell you his names Oliver. We're gonna come here on Saturday actually."   
Great, now Max could never come to this mall without hurling.   
"Oh." Max said simply, chewing at her ice cream cone.   
"Is it bad?" El asked softly.   
"Oh, no." Max said sturdily. "If you want it it's good. I think." Max stumbled over her words, her eyebrows knitting together.  
"Oh." El collected her chocolate colored hair and tied it in her scrunchie. Max watched and blushed lightly. Somehow the simplest of things that El did made Max swoon. It was still so new to her. No one else captured her eye so easily. Max noticed everything about El. She wondered if it was normal. She felt like such a creep. Almost like she didn't deserve to be friends with a girl if she didn't notice the way she was constantly turning scarlet over her. She looked off and saw Robin handing out mint chocolate ice cream. Max sighed slightly and recalled what Robin had told her. Maybe this all seemed way bigger than it really was. Maybe someday this would all just be a silly memory to cringe or smile at. Maybe Max could eventually meet a girl who'd blush when she put up her hair too. And none of this would be worth the stress or the fantasies. Would she ever get over all this insecurity? There's no way it could get worse, right? I mean Max had just really been forced to come to terms with her feelings for girls. But that didn't ease the agony Els bright smile or her big, brown eyes or the felicity of her angelic laugh brought Max. Max was just scared. There was no getting around her terror. Lately she'd started feeling extra wary around her big step brother Billy knowing that if he had any idea he would have her killed before her step dad could find out. She'd even started looking at celebrities differently knowing that the whole time she hadn't just thought they were pretty, she was attracted to them. Her mind was tentative but Max had got this realization fully registered in it for good, there was no turning back.  
"Hey Max?"  
Max's eyebrows raised in anticipation. "Yeah?"  
"I've been thinking about it and I think I need to talk to you about something."  
Max's eyes widened and blinked.  
"It's about my biological father."  
Max didn't know what she had expected to hear but it wasn't that. And she didn't like it.  
"What do you mean?"   
El's voice got quiet and slightly shaky. "I mean nothing that he's doing. Just lately I've been having... more nightmares. Than usual. And I just don't really know why. And I haven't told my dad or anyone but they're dreams where he's acting the way he used to except... I guess just weirder. Like he looks bigger and his eyes don't blink. I don't know how to explain it and I don't really want to but um... I guess I just wanted to tell you because I know that your step dad is kind of the same and... I don't know." El wiped away ice cream that had ran through her fingers.   
Max's expression was concerned and her voice lowered. "Well I'm glad you could tell me."  
"I know you can't do anything to help, I just wanted to tell someone, you know? I can't ignore it anymore."  
"Of course." Max reached her hand over to Els and gently squeezed it.   
"Maybe there's medicine or something that can make it go away? I don't know but maybe you should tell Hopper." Max said.  
"I just... don't want him to be concerned."  
"Yeah, I understand. El, I'm here for you. If you ever need to talk about anything like this, even if it's at a time you think I wouldn't, I promise I'll be right here even if you just need to get it out. I care about you." Max felt uncomfortable and yet relived telling El all this stuff but she knew it was worth it. It was the truth.   
El sighed. "Thank you, Max. You've been so helpful to me." El squeezed Max's hand back, shaking up her heart before letting go.  
Max was overcome with an affectionate, lovey dovey feeling that made her want to wrap her arms around El. She couldn't believe how quickly her feelings were growing.   
"At least I know I'm safe now. It just doesn't feel like it sometimes. What about you? Have you been okay?"  
"I don't know, I mean it's the same as ever I guess."  
"So... not okay?"  
Max paused. "It's fine."  
El just looked into Max's eyes expressionless. Her gaze was as sweet and innocent as ever. Max squeezed her palms. She found it hard to look into Els eyes sometimes because it just made her feel shy. And now especially. Because Max knew she was lying. It's just that nothing was changing. What was she supposed to do?  
"Max, I'm here for you too. We're here for each other, okay?"  
El reached her arm forward and Max felt Els warm hand gently grasp her own beneath the table. Each of Max's heartbeats delved into a sea of heavy sweetness when things like this happened and it felt like her heart was coated in the richness. Max smiled and let herself stare into those emotional, oblivious eyes. The eyes that Max already felt she could stare into every morning when she woke. What would that be like? Waking up from a slumber free of nightmares for either of them and untangling from her arms, looking into her sleepy eyes and knowing that they were each other's. Living somewhere other than her house. Even just awakening in Els home like Max had those few eternal sleepovers. Being safe with not only El but with Hopper, a caring father. One who Max wished she could connect with because he was Els and if Max's wishes could come true, she'd want to be a part of that family. It was a strange yearning that Max couldn't perfectly comprehend but it was just how she felt. She wished things could be normal. As strange as her feelings for El made her feel, she still felt more normal being in that little house than she did with her own family even if it did make her a little uncomfortable since she wasn't used to it. There was just so much she craved that she couldn't have. It was only getting worse but El's soft, small hands wrapping around Max's gave her a melancholic sense of comfort.  
"Yeah. Here for each other."

The faint sound of Neil Hargrove yelling at Billy in another room rang. Max hyperventilated and tried to push down her frustration but this had been happening so much lately at there was no break from it. Max hated getting involved but she also hated feeling like a ghost trapped in her home, being forced to listen to her childhood in her afterlife. She felt helpless and weak and angry and she couldn't control the hot tears that raced from her stinging eyes. She just started crying about everything. Sobbing as quietly as possible, wrapping her blanket around her body and burying her pink face in the mattress, Max gently shook like the tree branches in the wind outside her bedroom. Would she always feel this lonely?


	9. A New Perspective

♡ El Hopper 

El hadn't told her dad about this date. She said she'd be meeting her friends at the Starcourt and that was a lie. She felt guilty and nervous and it was all pointless. Because she knew this date was just to help her organize her feelings and confirm to herself whether she was truly capable of liking anyone other than Mike. Because she thought she had been starting to but she wasn't sure. She thought maybe it was just because Mike was the only friend she'd had that she'd spent a lot of one on one time with other than Max. And that's what piqued the idea that perhaps her feelings for the girl with sunset colored hair were more than friendly. Surely if she were capable of crushing on someone other than Mike, a date with a cute boy would spark that alternative crush. And she could start there. She sat in Scoops Ahoy at the table she had talked to El at days before. She remembered how Max had comforted her and squeezed her hand. The way that had made El feel. It had to just be because she'd never had a friend like Max before. Crushing on girls didn't really seem to be allowed. But was it possible? The way Max pressing her lips against El made her feel had her thinking that it might be. But it was so hard to truly identify whether these were friendly feelings or not. The time that Max had called El darling... did that really happen or was it just a dream? If it was real, why did Max word it like that? Why did it make her feel-  
"El?"  
The scratchy voice of Oliver tugged El apart from her racing thoughts. The boy stood before El with a sweet smile and pink cheeks. He had red hair and a freckly face just like Max.  
"Oh! Hi Oliver."  
Why was he wearing a suit? And why was it so big on him?  
"H-How're you doing?" he asked.  
"I'm fine."  
Why was this so awkward?  
"Well I guess we should get some ice cream." Oliver said.  
"Yeah."  
They approached Robin who's eyes widened for some reason at the sight of them.  
"Well... hello. What flavors would you two like?"  
"I guess I'll have some chocolate." said El.  
"And I'll have some... chocolate too." Oliver pulled out money to pay for it and El sighed.  
She didn't think she wanted to be here. When the pair got their ice cream they sat back down and Oliver adjusted his tie.  
"That's a nice suit. It's very... fancy." El told him.  
"Thanks. This is sort of my first date."  
"Really? I wouldn't have thought so with the way you asked me out so suddenly."  
"Yeah well... I've been trying to get a date for a while now. It's kind of something I've been wanting for a long time."  
"Oh... well I'm happy to... make that come true. I recently dumped my ex boyfriend."  
"Oh, you've got more experience than me. I hope I don't seem crazy." Oliver was blushing harder than ever.  
"Don't worry! It's fine. You're fine. I mean not just fine, better. I mean..."  
Oliver's chocolate ice cream melted droplets onto his dress shirt. He gasped and reached for napkins in the center of the table.  
"Crud. This is my dads suit. This is totally awful! I mean you're not awful, you're wonderful. Wait, that's too much, I mean you're great. Not that you're not wonderful! It's just I don't really know you yet and... yeah." He aggressively rubbed his shirt with the crumpled napkins and El had never wanted to burst into laughter so badly in her life. Boys were so weird.  
"Lets see... what's your favorite color?" he asked.  
"Maybe green." El said.  
"Mine is green too! My mom always told me green is my color because it matches my eyes."  
The rest of the date was spent discussing favorites and sitting in silence. It did not assure El of anything regarding her confusing feelings. Oliver was a very nice, shy boy but he didn't make El feel the same way that Mike did. Or the way she thought Max did.  
"This was really nice, I had fun!" Oliver exclaimed as he cleaned his hands free of stickiness with a towelette in his pocket.  
"I... yeah."  
"Um... I guess I'll get going then! Thank you for meeting with me."  
"Yeah, I better go meet my dad now. Thanks."  
And with that, El and Oliver parted ways.

"How were your friends?" Hopper asked.  
"It was pretty boring actually." 

El dialed Max's number when she got home. Max answered almost instantly.  
"Hey, El."  
"Hi, Max."  
"Did you go on that date?"  
"Yeah. I just got back from it."  
"How did it go?"  
El started to giggle. Max's confused laugh could be heard on the other line shortly after.  
"I don't think I need to go on a date with another boy for a while."  
"That's good to know."


	10. Paradise

♡ El Hopper 

~  
Sleepy, sun bathed Max Mayfield with sand in her fiery hair and a peachy, pale face sprinkled with freckles. Her wide, azure blue eyes clearer than ever in the bold sun, that star being the only witness of the girls laying on the soft beach. Those eyes curiously peeking straight into El's, lively and knowing and casting a sense of comfort over the drowsy, rosy cheeked girl. El reached out to poke Max's slightly curved, speckled nose. El scooted closer to Max, close enough to make out the light blemishes on her forehead and the thin ridges of her flushed lips. A slight, pinkish sun burn was forming quickly over her face. El was only an inch taller than Max and El knew it made her irritated. She teased Max for it, stretching her tender lipped mouth into a toothy smile so bright that the sunshine they were exposed to began to underwhelm Max. Max was so overcome with the pounding of her heart that she sprung up off of the shore, cascading a gust of sand across El and ran toward the dragging, dozy tide. El's laugh sounded as she rose to her bare feet and chased after the girl with the ginger hair billowing behind her shoulders. They stomped in the damp sand and leapt carelessly through the oceans calm shore. The girls who understood each other, embraced each other's whole. Max grasping onto El and thrashing into her arms as they threw their heads back in laughter and played, feeling free, feeling safe, feeling proud. Disregarding the outward disdain that had harshly forced itself upon their bond. Simply being youthful and supporting each other as they grew. They were intertwined.  
~

El awoke slowly from her heavenly dream. It took her a moment to ground herself, gain the strength to rise to a sitting position, tangled in her warm bed sheets. She ran a hand through her tangled bed head and her jaw hung slightly ajar. She had curled in bed the night before in anguish of the awaiting nightmare. She'd even made an effort to keep her mind busy as to not drift off, in fear of the expected haunting of her degrading, memory dwelling old father figure. But this was different. This was a cleanse. The way that dream made her feel. The way it struck her heart with yearning for her best friend. The feeling lasted even past the dream. When El pictured Max in such a simple situation with her, it provided her with the same impression of fluttering in her chest. Was this deniable any longer?

Max Mayfield

The early morning had Max grouchy and the previous night of sobbing and disassociating left her disappointed and worn out. Everything was making her feel exhausted. Still getting used the summer, Max had mixed feelings regarding it's arrival. If she had school she could stray away from her family. But without school she got to spend basically all her time playing arcade games and trying out new skateboarding tricks. Max turned to the window and stared outside of it, pondering the girl with shoulder length hair and gentle hands. The girl that now automatically popped into her mind when she became bored. The twisty branched weeping willow outside of Max's window stood sturdy, wise and gentle. It's leaves dragged softly in the warm wind. It's strong, thick bough developed into roots that poked from out of the dew swept, unkempt grass. Max pictured what it might be like to lay with El beneath that tree. If only her house would remain unoccupied for a while and Max could get some rest beneath the shade of it with El. Maybe Max ought to go over and be with her again. She couldn't get enough of being around the girl. Besides, there was that whole truth or dare card thing Lucas had practically forced her into promising she'd finalize. Max rose from her bed and after having collected herself and cleaning up, she anxiously approached the phone. She dialed for El, the numbers now engraved in her memory perfectly. El picked up.  
"Hello?" her morning voice greeted.  
"Hi, El."  
"Max. Um, hi. Hello." El coughed.  
"Are you okay?" Max's eyebrows knitted in confusion.  
"Yeah. Sorry, I just woke up. What is it?"  
"Oh, I was wondering if you wanna hang out today."  
"Oh! Sure. What do you wanna do?"  
"Well, I was thinking we could go to your house if that's okay with you? Maybe we could go to the arcade too." Max had a soft smile across her face just listening to the cute, sleepy voice of her crush.  
"Yeah, that sounds really nice. Why don't I call you back soon, I just need to wake up."  
"Alright. Yeah, I mean I just woke up too."  
"Okay. Well... bye Max."  
"Bye. Ellie." Max giggled. She heard El laugh on the other line.  
"Ellie?"  
"I don't know." Max shook her head and giggled some more. She felt so much better talking with El. Her heart softened.  
"Well, talk to you later... Maxie?"  
"Oh Jesus, that's awful." Max blushed, knowing the term made her heart swell strangely.  
"Haha! Okay, really. Bye."  
"See ya."  
Max hung up the phone and sighed. The day was off to a better start than she had expected.  
Maxie...  
Ugh.


	11. Tangy Talk

The long skateboard trip to El's home gave Max plenty of time to think. Like about what on earth she'd do with the cards. Was it really necessary to look through them for nothing? Goddamn Lucas giving her hope. At least El didn't seem to have enjoyed her date with that boy Oliver. That ordeal nearly gave Max a heart attack. It was a huge relief to get that call from El the night before. But it still didn't mean much. Just that El was willing to date someone who wasn't Max. Oh gee, oh joy.  
Max was nearly to El's house when her skateboard ran into a pine cone on the ground. The skateboard bounced and Max harshly tripped. She fell to the soil and cringed.   
"Dammit..." she whispered to herself, inspecting the scraped flesh of her kneecap. She quickly got to her feet and dusted off her denim shorts, kicking the pinecones on the ground in frustration. She picked up her skateboard and walked the rest of the way up to the little cabin. Placing the skateboard onto the ground, Max knocked on the door and looked down to the blood slowly seeping from her minor, stinging injury. She adjusted her jacket. Whatever. She was used to these accidents.  
The sound of locks being unlatched rustled from the other side and the door to El's dim lit home swung open. El grinned wide at the sight of Max. Of course Max grinned back.  
"Hey, El."   
"You're here!" El reached out to give Max a gentle hug. Max wrapped her arms around El back and took in a whiff of her clementine scented shampoo. El parted from Max and looked down to see her skinned knee.   
"Oh man, what happened?"  
"Nothing, I just tripped a little. I'm fine, it doesn't hurt." Max straightened.  
"Oh, I've got bandaids, it's okay. Come in." El dragged Max through the doorway.  
"No, it's unnecessary. Really."  
"Shh. Don't worry, I'm not gonna think you're weak just because you bleed." El ran to the restroom and Max followed sheepishly as she looked around the house. Hopper didn't appear to be lurking. El leaned down and fished for the first aid kit.  
"I've got some good news, Max."  
"Yeah?"  
"I might be getting a cat. Not even a cat... a kitten! Isn't that exciting?" she bolted up with a band aid in her grasp.   
"Really? Your dad doesn't seem like a pet owning type of guy to me."   
"Why not? He takes care of me just fine."  
Max laughed. "You're not exactly a pet."  
"Well I wish I could be a kitten." El sighed.  
Max grinned, wishing she could tell El that she was just as cute as one.  
"I've been suggesting it to my dad forever. And he's finally giving in!" El took the band aid out of its packaging and Max sat up on the bathroom counter.   
"What would you name it?"   
"I don't know... maybe I'd make it after you!" El laughed. Max snorted and held back a grin. El reached past Max's side and began to run sink water over some bunched up paper towels.  
"Can I just have my stupid band aid?"  
"I'll apply it for you, Maxie."  
"Oh god, please tell me you're not gonna start calling me that."  
"Hey, you came up with it by calling me Ellie."  
"I don't think that's how that works. Ellie sounds much better than Maxie anyway."  
"I'll have to disagree. I think Maxie is... cute. It fits you." El giggled and began to pat Max's knee with the wet paper towel. Max's knee tingled with slight pain.  
She looked to the ground and smiled, shaking her head in confusion. "What... does that even mean, El?"  
"It's Ellie now."   
"God." Max rolled her eyes as El applied the sticky bandage.   
"Anyway, I cant wait to get a kitten. There's no way it's not happening. And I just might get a baby girl and name her May like Mayfield."  
"You're ridiculous." Max teased.  
"And I have to pee. So give me a minute."  
Max giggled and exited the restroom. "Gladly."  
She thought for a second as the door closed and decided now could be the time to get out those truth or dare cards. If she was going to be forced to do this, she might as well get it over with. She sighed and quickly headed toward El's room, already feeling weirdly guilty. Max approached the cabinet she remembered El getting the cards out of and opened it. She didn't even have to do any searching to see that the game was right there. She looked to the doorway and reached for the cards. There weren't too many, it wasn't an incredibly detailed game. She shrugged her shoulders awkwardly and decided to just start looking through them. Shuffling anxiously, Max searched for the card El got that past sleepover. What did it say exactly? "How did the last dare make you feel?" Max knew El would be out of the restroom soon. Flipping quickly and coming across the dare card that suggested the players kiss, Max accidentally dropped a couple cards in surprise. She scrambled to collect them and checked the doorway again. She looked through the cards and still couldn't find what she was looking for. Max heard El flush the toilet and gathered everything together, putting the cards back in the box messily and shutting the cabinet quietly as she heaved. It would have to wait until another time.  
Max sat down on the bed and her eye was caught by a printed picture of Max and El that had been taken by Hopper their last sleepover. Her heart leapt seeing the framed photo perched on El's bedside table. She'd forgotten about that.   
"Max?" El asked and walked into her room to see Max sitting on the edge of her bed.   
"Oh, hey."  
"I think I'm gonna pour some lemonade, do you want any?"  
"Yeah, ill come with you." Max got up and followed El to the cornbread smelling kitchen.  
"So did you talk to your dad about the dream thing?"  
El's eyes widened. "What? Oh, no." She loudly opened the fridge and reached for lemonade.   
"Alright. I mean of course I'm not saying you have to or anything."  
"Yeah, I know. I think I will soon. It's just that thankfully last night I didn't actually have any nightmares."  
"Really? That's great!" Max exclaimed, relieved for El.  
"Yeah... I guess so."  
"What do you mean?"  
"I mean... it was still a weird dream. It just didn't involve him or anything... unpleasant."  
"Oh. Well dreams have a tendency to be weird."   
"Yeah. I guess I just mean... never mind."  
"What is it? You can tell me."  
"No, it's nothing." El's hands shakily poured the second cup full.   
"Well alright. I just hope it's nothing bad. You don't deserve that."  
"Thank you. And it's not. I don't think. I don't know." El shut the fridge back up.  
"Okay, now I'm just especially curious." Max took the tangy, cold lemonade that El offered her and sipped from it.  
"It's no big deal. It was a nice dream. It just involved someone unexpected."  
Max's eyes widened. Was it Mike? She was scared to ask so she just kept drinking. She figured it was none of her business anyway and El wasn't seeming incredibly eager to let her know the details.  
"Whatever. Anyway, let's just talk about something else, okay?" El said.  
"Well sure. What do you wanna talk about?"  
El sighed. She sipped the lemonade and thought for a second before smiling.  
"Well my dad and Mrs. Byers are going on another date tonight." El cheekily commented.  
"Really?" Max laughed with a gape.  
"Yeah. He's not here right now but I bet you he's worrying about it like he has been all day in this very moment. He can try and tell me otherwise but I won't believe him."  
"Hey, what if they get married? Then Will would be your step brother. That'd be so weird." Max pondered as she looked off with a slight shake to the head.  
"Woah, I don't think they're quite there yet!" El exclaimed.  
"I know! I'm just saying it happened to me. But I guess this situation would turn out a lot nicer."   
El looked off. "Will as my brother. That would be weird. But fun. If either of us were siblings with our friends it'd be a blast."  
Oh thank god she didn't say if her and Max were siblings.  
"Hey, speaking of him, do you think Will's been okay lately? He's seemed kinda... sad to me."  
"I don't know. But I think when Mike and I were together we maybe were making him jealous. Just because, you know. Mike and him are best friends." said El.  
"Yeah." Just like Max had gotten jealous over Mike when he was El's boyfriend.   
"Maybe we should all just hang out more again. Even if It's still awkward between Mike and I. And... well what about you and Lucas?" asked El.  
"No, Lucas and I have fixed everything. We're getting along. Actually, in a way I'd say it's better than ever."  
"Oh, that's good. You're lucky. Mike is still being all... pouty about our breakup. He still wants us to get back together. I just think I should be focusing on other stuff, you know? I've already found more of myself after dumping him."  
"Really? Like what?"  
"Oh... I don't know. I mean, well. I guess what I mean is that you... have taught me some stuff." El stuttered, breaking eye contact.  
Max's heart jumped. "Oh... I um... that's good. I'm glad to help you." she shifted and finished the last of the lemonade.  
"Yeah. God, now Dustin's the only one out of us who's in a relationship. We sure weren't expecting things would turn out this way." El wheezed slightly as she thought.  
Oh, things had turned out completely differently from the way Max had expected.   
"Definitely. But... I like it better than before. In most ways. I think." Max said.  
"Yeah. I guess so."  
"Billy's sure glad I'm not dating Lucas. He no longer has to fear his dad freaking out about it. Well actually I guess that's not fully true. We are still friends after all." Max grunted in frustration at the mere thought of Billy.  
"I'm sorry, Max." El said, looking into Max's eyes. "It's totally not fair."  
"Whatever. Just the way it is."   
El set down her empty cup. "That doesn't make it normal. And it doesn't mean you should have to put up with it."  
"There's not really anything I can do."  
"Hey, that's not true. I know better than anyone you can get out of situations like those."  
Max sighed. "You're right. It's just that... it's different, you know?"  
El paused. "Yeah. I know. You can still talk to me about that, remember."  
"I know. Thanks, El."  
"Of course."  
"Why don't we just go to the arcade now? I wanna show you how to play some games."  
"Oh, yeah! That sounds like so much fun." El leapt up and Max followed.  
"Should we just get going?" asked Max.  
"I don't see why not." El took Max's hand and dragged her out the door.

After a journey of laughter and taking turns kicking the same pine cone for as long as they could, the girls ended up at Palace Arcade. The sky was darkening quickly and the logo of the arcade glowed.   
"Here we are." Max said proudly.  
El giggled. "I've never been inside before."  
"No way, really? Why didn't you tell me? And why the hell didn't the boys ever bring you?"  
"I don't know, they probably thought it was more of a... boyish thing."  
"Well then I get to show you! And I'm the best at this. So you'll learn from the best. Now come on! I have to tell you everything about everything."   
"Okay!" The girls laughed as they linked arms and ran inside past the neon signs.   
Max hastily led El over to Dragons Lair.  
"This games the best. Dragons Lair. Let me show you how to play. It's supposed to be super hard." Max turned to El who was staring off to the side with her mouth agape.   
"El? What?" Max whispered loudly.  
"Oh my god! It's Oliver." El groaned.


	12. Act

Max peered past El's shoulder and observed the boys in the area that El turned away from. The room was dark and it was hard to make out anyone's facial features.  
"Where? He's here?"  
"Yeah, oh my god. It's that one." El spoke softly, pointing to a skinny, messy haired boy in a striped t shirt.  
"The one by Pac Man?" Max whispered harshly, straining her neck to try and catch a glimpse of his face.   
"Yep. Have you seen him here before?"  
"Geez, I don't know. It's not like I pay attention anyway."  
"Too busy focusing on the video games?" El smirked.  
"Well yeah. What should we do?"  
"I don't know... what if he sees me and asks me out again?"  
"He didn't ask you last time?" Max's eyebrows raised.   
"No but he still has my number. I was planning on just ignoring any calls he made but I can't exactly ignore him in person as easily."  
Oliver turned to face the direction of the girls and El quickly spun around.   
"I'm bad at confrontation!" she said.  
"You are not! You dumped Mike without hesitation."  
"That's different because I actually knew him! Oliver is so sweet and... awkward but... so oblivious that he probably thinks I still like him. I feel bad. What am I supposed to do?"  
Max groaned. "Do I need to reject him for you?"  
El turned slightly and shot her head back around. "Oh, Max, Max, he's coming over here! Do you think he's seen me?"  
Max shifted her eyes and there he was, walking toward the girls.  
"We need to make something up!" said El quietly and quickly.  
"Like what? What are we supposed to make up, El?" Max exclaimed.  
What if she gave in and said yes to another date?  
"El? Is that you?"  
Max rolled her eyes, crossing her arms and El turned to face the grinning boy.  
"Uh, yeah, it's me!"  
"I'm so glad to see you! I've been wanting to get up the courage to call you but this is way better. And you like the arcade? I don't come here much but I can't believe I never noticed you here before! I'll definitely start visiting more often." Max wished he'd shut up.  
She cleared her throat. "Well actually, this is her first time. It was my idea so you don't need to come here any more than needed." There was no way Max would wanna hang around the boy who asked El out. That would be far too much of a distraction. But maybe it could give her some extra passion for her gameplay.   
Oliver blinked. "Oh... well hi there. I'm Oliver. Have you heard about me? What's your name?"  
Max held back a snicker. "Well she's mentioned you. And the names Max."  
"Nice to meet you, Max. El, can I ask you something?"  
El and Max made panicked eye contact. "Sure."  
"Do you wanna go out to eat with me some time?"  
El swiftly turned her head to Max and subtly spoke in a soft voice. "Forgive me for this."  
Oliver fidgeted with his fingers, awaiting a response.  
"I can't, Max is my girlfriend."  
Max's eyebrows raised so high she felt like they would fly away. And so did Oliver's.  
"Wait, what?" he asked.  
"Yeah, we just got into a relationship a couple days after you and I went on that date. I'm really sorry, it's just that her and I... are... yeah. We're together." El forcibly reached out and squeezed Max's now sweaty hand.  
"Y-yep! We're... girlfriends." Max was lucky that the room was so dim because her cheeks had been painted redder than her hair. She couldn't tell if she was incredibly lucky or terribly unlucky that this was the excuse El conjured up to ward the flustered boy off.  
"Oh!" Oliver scratched his head in confusion. "But that's... that means... oh. Well okay. Really?"  
El hesitated before nodding her head rapidly and plastering on a fake smile.   
"... Alright! Well that's fine, my mom says I don't need a girlfriend yet anyway. I...   
guess I'll get going now but... I wish you two the best of luck!" Oliver shrugged his shoulders and stalked off conclusively.  
El let go of Max's hand and Max let go of her breath. The two looked at each other and bursted out laughing. "I can't believe he handled that so well, I was terrified that he'd... be mean or something." Max panted.  
"Well he's not seemed like much of a mean type. But he sure got over that quickly. Most boys wouldn't have. Actually I guess most people wouldn't have. And oh, I'm sorry, that was the only explanation that made sense in the moment!" El giggled and watched Oliver push open the exit doors.  
"It's fine. You're crazy." Max shook her head, pulling a strand of her hair behind her ear with an unwavering grin across her face. She found herself wishing in the back of her head that it hadn't been a lie. Hearing El say that they were girlfriends and feeling her grasp her hand so shamelessly was torturous.   
"Shall we get back to our video game, girlfriend?" El asked.   
Max blushed even more. "Absolutely." With El, girlfriend was a much more appealing nickname to Max than Maxie.   
Max and El practiced Dragons Lair for the remainder of the early night, Max getting way farther than her frustrated but quickly learning friend.   
When they climbed onto the bus, their feet were aching and they were both already sleepy. 

Max peered calmly out of the window, watching the town flash by. She pondered Oliver's casual reaction to believing that Max and El were girlfriends. She felt melancholy as she wondered what it could be like if she knew that no one would ever get freaked out by the way she felt. She felt so lucky as she contemplated all the other kids like her who could even be in Hawkins. How many people from school understood the feeling? How many people her age who regularly visited the arcade felt the same fear and shame and confusion? And how long exactly could Max get away with this? She knew she should be grateful. She'd came out to Lucas, Robin, Steve and technically she'd now come out to this random kid who even crushed on her apparent partner. And none of them had hit her or called her disgusting or made her feel worthless. The way she knew some people like Billy would want to. She knew people had the capability to be that way and that she needed to be more careful. That if she'd ever tell her friends and El herself about this, she might need to be prepared for a disappointing reaction. As much as she knew her friends hearts, she also knew that she was at risk. She knew that she needed to tell someone more, she was sick of keeping everything inside. She was just trapped between wanting to be free, careless and open, and wanting to push everything down and never tell anybody ever again. Lately her mind had been so crowded. Such a mess. But now, in this moment, she felt okay. 

El's head gently rested on Max's shoulder. Max looked down at her. El's eyes were closed, her mouth was shut and she looked soft. Seeing her had Max's heart throbbing with a tender, calm, knowing feeling. She felt then that she could take in everything about El forever and it'd never be enough to put her heart at ease. Her appreciation would still never settle. Max shut her eyes and softly rested her head on top of El's. The bus was vaguely silent. The navy blue sky was calm. 

The sound of crickets in the distance calmed Max down and the humid air clung to her.  
"Bye, Maxie."   
"Goodbye, Ellie."  
El wheezed gently.  
"See you later." she quietly, sleepily said before wrapping her arms around Max who grasped her back in a tight embrace. Max wished she could say what she felt. El parted from her and gave her a sleepy grin, running a hand through her hair. Max wished so badly that she could say it. 

"Hey, Max. It's late, whats up?"  
"I think I'm in love with El."


	13. Worthless

"Wait, woah, what?" Lucas stumbled over his words on the phone.   
"I don't know! It's just I've never felt this way before! No offense."  
"You love her? Like fully love? Are you sure?"  
"I think so. I know I feel like I am at least. I really, really care about her and I like everything about her. Plus she makes me feel... I don't know how to really explain it. And I was just hanging out with her."  
"Oh no!"  
"God, what?"  
"This is awful, Max."  
"Why? You're freaking me out!"  
"I'm sorry! But didn't she just go out with that guy Oswald?"  
Max snorted. "Oliver. His names Oliver and actually she just rejected him when he asked her on another one. And she told him that her and I are girlfriends."  
"Woah! Okay, never mind. Wait, are you okay?"  
"Whatever, it doesn't actually mean anything. And yeah, he was actually nice about it."  
"Well how do you know it doesn't mean anything? Oh, what about those truth or dare cards? Did you check them?"  
"Yes, actually I did."   
"And?"  
"Okay well, I didn't actually get a chance to look through all of them. Only most. But I didn't find the card."  
"Well at least you've got that. I'm just saying, maybe you wanna tell her before your feelings get too intense. Then it might seem impossible. I don't know."  
"Maybe. But I don't want to yet. I'm... still scared."  
"I'm not saying you have to now. Just keep in mind that it wouldn't hurt."  
"How the hell do you know?"   
"I'm just saying! There's no way she'd judge you that much, she's a good person."  
Max sighed. "Yeah. I know. But not yet."  
"I know. So... you really think you love her."  
"I mean it's weird to say. But yeah. Yes."  
"Well that was quick."  
"Shut the hell up. I'm not like 100% positive anyway." She blushed.  
Lucas laughed. "I know, I know. Hey, how about we all meet up soon to hang out."  
"Like, all of us?"  
"Yeah. Is that bad?"  
"No."  
"Is it because you hate Mike?"  
"No!"  
"Well you kinda act like it!"  
"I just don't like the fact that he dated El and that she likes him. Whatever. He's still... my... friend."  
"Well alright. Is everything else okay?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"Like at home. Has your family been any better lately?"  
"No." Max scoffed.  
"Oh... I'm sorry, Max. It's all gonna work out. We're here for you. Just keep on fighting like you always do."  
Max sighed. "Yeah, I know. Thank you."  
"Let's all meet up tomorrow. I've gotta go to bed so goodnight I guess."  
"Okay, goodnight."  
"Bye."  
~

"El, I have to talk to you."

Max forced the words out and approached El cautiously as she clutched a fresh bouquet of lavenders and bluebells that she'd gathered from the forest of luck.

The cloudy fog caging El drifted away instantly and she turned to reveal her pink tinted face. Her shoulder length hair wavered and she wore a laced dress that left Max in awe.

"I think I know what you have to say to me." her voice echoed eerily.

El's wide, dark eyes were boring into Max's brain.   
"You think I don't notice the way your face flushes when I do just about anything in your presence? You think I couldn't sense your desperation in the kiss we shared with your mouths pressure on mine? The kiss that I solely thought would be funny. But your body shook with sapphic intent."

El's eyes never left Max's for a moment. Max felt as if her body were shrinking, as if she was slowly melting lower into the empty ground. El's voice was soft and chilling. The curling, ashy fog was darkening and shadows stretched.

"And now you think there's a wisp of a chance that I could ever return the sickly feelings? Me? An innocent, pure hearted, beautiful young girl? Pushing your tainted thought process onto me, you know you don't really see me as important if you're capable of imagining that I could withhold the same sick yearning you have for me. Don't convince yourself that your feelings are pure or that you see me as special. You think I'm normal and all you want is to ruin a normal girl unlike yourself for satisfaction. You don't truly want to accept that this makes you different, Maxine. It's a simple as that. You could never care for me in the way a boy could. You shouldn't even stick to them at this point, they don't deserve a failure of a filthy freak like you."

Max felt like acid was crawling it's way through her bloodstream, eating away at the flesh that had become even paler. El's gaze hadn't changed. Her eyes stayed the same as they'd always been. It was El who said this, not a morphed version of her. Just El, the girl that Max had focused on, placed on a pedestal all this time. Max's breath was snatched from her lungs and any words were incapable of formation. She had become immobile and felt tiny, similar to her childhood.

"Stay away from me. Keep your unnatural anguish and those sneaking thoughts to yourself if you really do care about me. Don't expose me to your selfish sins, Max."  
~

Max's leaking eyes shot open and she awoke from the vivid nightmare in a flash. She heaved and stared at her dark ceiling, sweaty and swept in goosebumps. The calm voice of El lingered in Max's mind in a way it never had before. It tormented her. Max realized that it had been a dream and instantly broke into a messy, queasy, sobbing fit. Tears of shame and fear left the shivering girl's face damp and warm. She slowly sank to her side. She didn't know what to think so she just cried. Max was just fourteen. A confused and abused fourteen year old girl living in a conservative town. She remembered this now. It was almost humbling but mostly it just made her feel weak. She'd never felt so flooded with feelings. She questioned if she really was as worthless as she felt.

Why wasn't she allowed to just be happy? Well she knew why. She'd always known and now she knew she couldn't push it down any further. It had caught up to her. Max was a failure and a freak. And she was filthy. None of the other girls loved each other like this. They loved each other in the way where they could give each other matching friendship necklaces on their birthdays. In the way where they could go swimming without blushing at each other. Max realized how humiliating it was that she had confessed it out loud. Especially to a boy who probably had simply lied to her. And he wanted her to tell El because he wanted to find a way to rid her from the friend group. No one could accept someone like Max. El would certainly never accept her, much less return the tainted feeling. She was a normal girl. Not like Max who, no matter how much she wanted to live like one, could never be normal. Not when she loved another girl. Someone she was supposed to talk about boys with. Or be jealous of. She wasn't supposed to look at her and feel like she was at a jewel exhibit or an art museum. 

If only Max had never accidentally memorized the way the life beneath El's eyes danced. Then perhaps that dream never could've been so sickening. And if that was all so horrid, how could Max ever face it in real life? Even with how Max memorized them, El's eyes still struck her heart strings every time Max saw them in person. She just laid and cried so hard she didn't realize how loud she was being until she heard a door slam and those familiar, rough footsteps stomped closer.


	14. Shocker

Max sat up and quickly wiped at her face, clearing it of tears. Shit.  
She glanced at the alarm clock beside her printed photograph of an aurora. 3:11 AM. No, no, no. Billy couldn't see her all vulnerable like this. With her face red and her pajama concealed body shivering. Max sniffed and tried to quit her involuntary shaking when the door swung open.   
She jumped to her feet and Billy lingered in the doorway with his curls messy from sleep and a harsh glare in his eyes. Max couldn't believe that the one time she summoned him it was during the only time she liked him. She could tell that Billy craved to shout at her but of course if he did his dad would get involved.  
"Max, what the hell are you crying about so fucking loud this early?" he clenched his jaw and lowly asked the question in his typically rough voice.  
"Sorry, I cried because I remembered I have to live with you." Max said silently, interfering with his apparent desire that she'd keep her mouth shut and refrain from intentionally irritating him.  
"I'm sick of you talking to me like that, you little shit. Just suck it up and quit wailing when I'm trying to sleep."   
"Well sorry for disrupting your beauty sleep, princess." Max pitched at him, staring coldly into his angry, trauma stricken, turquoise eyes.  
Billy stormed into Max's room and she backed away slightly, blinking as Billy dipped his head downward.   
"Why don't you ever just listen to me and do what you're told? You know you don't have to be like this."  
Billy's gaze threateningly hollowed out Max's.

"Well you don't have to be like this either. I wouldn't act this way if you'd calm down for once."  
"Shut the hell up before I deck you." 

Max's protective, laminating veil of attitude had swiftly hardened into a helmet of toughness. Always forced into desperation for strength and immunity. The endurance of the fire haired girl was diminishing with every gnawing, icy interaction between her and this tormenting young man who'd only further tarnished her views on the concept of family. She sensed familiar rage setting aflame within her shielded heart and her fingernails marked her sweaty palms with shallow indents.

"Why don't you just leave me alone for once? And mind your goddamn business."

"Fine. Just shut up and quit crying about your boyfriend or whatever." Billy spike with a minuscule taunt to his tone.

"I don't have a boyfriend." Max snarled.

"Oh really? Then what ever happened to Lucas?"

"He's not my boyfriend, he's my friend. We've been over this, you can't take my friends away from me. And I told you, mind your own business." 

"You better not be lying to me, freak." Billy bluntly told her.

Max flinched at hearing the word again.

"Thanks for being so caring." Max uttered dully.

"What, do you want me to ask about your problems?" 

"You're right. You're my main problem, why would you give a shit?" Max told him, turning from the central area of his lingering body. 

"Well I hope you know that I don't."

"And I don't care about your problems either." 

"What a coincidence, you're my main problem too."

"Sure I am."

"What?" 

"Fucking nothing."

"No, please tell me, little sis. I'd like to hear."

"You're always taking your shit out on me as if I'm the issue. I think we both know who is." Max stared at her step brother with wide eyes to which he corresponded. A silence of processing broke out. To Max's surprise and euphoria, Billy simply turned around and exited her bedroom, leaving her standing, still pink faced.

"Go back to sleep." 

Max breathed out heavily, releasing tension. Assemblage of the events to their results began in her aching head as she slowly sat down on her bedsides edge. She remembered what Lucas had told her the day before. To just keep fighting. It sounded a little ridiculous, easier said than done. But she had no other option. She needed to remember that Lucas had no reason to lie to her. Nor did her other friends. If she could deal with that asshole on a daily basis, she could forget about whatever that gnawing dream had tried to plant in her brain and meet up with her friends. So she did what she was told for once and went to sleep.


	15. Let Loose

The detached glare of Billy pierced Max the next morning but otherwise he pretended that nothing had happened. And Max could care less. She was just focusing on seeing El again. And all her other friends. But mostly El. 

♡ El Hopper 

Mike and his stupid jokes and his freckles and his long legs. Max and her skateboard tricks and her clementine colored hair and her reserved sweetness. How could El pick who to fawn over when one of them was a boy she'd shared her longest friendship yet with, and the other was a girl who'd already given her feelings she'd never before experienced.  
According to a recent phone call from Lucas Sinclair, she'd be facing them both in just an hour. 

El had another nightmare about the man she felt had ruined her life. At this point she was used to them. Right now she was just focusing on something she had an urge to begin finishing. She figured that if it were to happen eventually, she might as well get it over with before overthinking. She knew her dads nature. She was still fearful but Hopper had always told her to talk about her feelings with him. Even if she wasn't a billion percent sure what it was, she figured maybe her dad would. And if it was something bad than she'd know before it was too late. Sure, she didn't wanna tell him about the nightmares. But that was different. The nightmares would go away eventually. She'd quickly come to the conclusion that this was permanent. 

El wore her dads baggy flannel to breakfast and bit into her favorite syrup soaked, fluffy waffles. Hopper sipped from his milk and El giggled. 

"What? What's so funny, kiddo?"

"You've got a milk mustache on top of your real mustache."

"Oh!" he wiped his lips clean. "Anyway, how have you been feeling lately with all this boy drama? You've seemed a little distant lately."

"I'm basically over Mike, dad. There is no drama."  
"Whew. You know, I'm proud of you, El. For being so strong. I might not know what it's like to dump my boyfriend as a fourteen year old girl. But I know it must be hard. When I wrote that letter during your relationship, I was writing it partially for myself. I needed to access my deeper feelings about the whole situation. But I ended up letting my emotions get the better of me. And I still feel guilty. I still feel like... maybe I'm the reason you broke up? Maybe if I'd given you my letter on time, you wouldn't feel obliged to end something you cared about." 

"Dad, no. I broke up with him because my feelings were changing. Please don't feel guilty. You did nothing wrong."

"It's okay, El. I know I messed up. I'm still pretty new to this. Well, being a dad again and you growing up. But I suppose you're right, you wouldn't have ended something you were passionate over just because of your delusional dad."

El laughed. "Yeah. I've got other things to focus on than Mike now."

"Like me?"

"You... and Max."

"Ah yeah. Max and you are getting along pretty great, huh? I'm happy to see you with a girl friend."

El raised her eyebrows. "Yeah..." 

"I'm just saying if Mike still gives you any shit about the break up send him over to me."

"Da-ad."

"And we'll have a lovely, civil conversation!"

The two laughed. The thought that had lingered in the back of El's mind through the conversation was beginning to boil. She decided it was time. 

"Dad... can I ask you something."

"Of course, El. Anything."

"Alright... well... how would you feel if I... had feelings for someone? Other than Mike."

Hopper raised his eyebrows and cleared his throat. "Already, huh? Well... that's not my place to say. If you're crushing on somebody than go right ahead. Just be careful." 

"But dad. This is different."

"I know Mikes the only boy you've ever been in a relationship with. But hey, now you're... kinda used to it."

"No. I mean. It's. Not..."

"You can tell me, El."

El felt anxiety in her chest. She wanted to do this.  
"A boy."

"Huh? I know, what's his name?"

"What?"

"You're confusing me, El."

"No, I mean dad... it's not."

"Now I'm even more confused."

"Dad. It's not a boy."

Hoppers bushy eyebrows raised and he sat in shock, unaware of how to respond. 

"Oh. You mean... oh." he quietly said, pondering.

"It's a girl. And it's Max." El forced out as her eyes began to water.

Hopper nearly choked on his remaining milk.  
"Really?"

"I'm sorry." El silently said as a teardrop chased down her flushed cheeks. 

"El, no, no. Don't be sorry. There's nothing to apologize for. This is totally fine. And Max is a great girl." Hopper, still baffled, got up and approached El, draping his tree trunk arms around his scared daughter.

"It's okay, El." he rubbed her back, fragility overflowing his heart. Not for a moment would he question his daughters worth over something like this. El had begun to slightly sob.

"Is there something wrong with me?" she asked in a muffled, stuffed up voice.

"No. Absolutely not. Whether it's a boy, a girl, who you like or love doesn't make a difference to me and it doesn't make you any worse. It's normal, sweetheart." Hopper could feel tears form in his own blue eyes. He certainly didn't expect this. But it was okay. He'd never jumped on the bandwagon of judging others for their orientations. But especially now, he realized how horrible it all was.

"I love you so much, dad." El pulled her head away from his chest and stared up into his glossy gaze. 

Hopper felt an overflowing sensation of affection pumping his heart. "I love you too, kid." He kissed the top of her head. "I'm so proud of you."

El smiled, her eyebrows furrowed. "Can we still have sleepovers?"

"We'll see about that." Hopper laughed.


	16. Trance

♡ Max Mayfield 

"El, you seem like you're in a trance or something. You okay?" 

"I'm... yeah. More than okay. Sorry, I just opened up to my dad about something and I feel way better."

"Lemme guess. The nightmares?"

"Actually no. It's something else. I'll... tell you some other time."

"...Okay." Max tucked her pastel blue t shirt into her jeans. 

The group of awkward teens were all hanging out together at the park and they'd walked back from getting freeze pops at the shop. El got pink and Max got red. They were already nearly finished.

"El, let me teach you how to skate. I've wanted to forever." 

"Sure! I wanna be cool like you."

Max smiled wide. "Me? You're the coolest person I know."

"Um hello. I'm right here." Dustin said, his chin orange and his freeze pop melting. 

Max laughed. "Guys, can I take off with El? We'll only be going over to the parking lot."

"Sure, Max. You guys be careful." Will said after looking to Mike. He sat down beneath the bough of an oak tree. Lucas winked at Max who rolled her eyes and forced away a grin. 

"Come on, El." Max said and the two walked downward toward the wide, practically empty parking lot. Max set her well loved skateboard on the ground. 

"Well I guess we should get started." she sighed.

"You know, one of these days I'll have to teach you something I enjoy." El said with a grin. 

"That would be fun."

"But for now show me your tricks."

"Well first you've gotta get used to moving on the board." Max giggled and El placed one foot up on it's scratched up surface. 

"Here, take my hand." Max quietly offered and El squeezed it as she got up with her other foot. The skateboard wavered and Max quickly grabbed El's other hand. 

"Don't face your feet towards me. Do it like this." Max gestured.

"Um what do I do now?"

"Now you move. It's easy, just push your foot away like this." Max demonstrated.

"I have to let go of you now?" 

"Yeah." Max slowly released El's hands.

"I'm gonna do it."

"Okay." Max giggled and El pushed. She steadily and slowly glided forward.

"Now gently put your foot down to stop."

El did as she was instructed and came to a halt, yielding claps from Max. El turned with a shy grin and Max approached her thinking how cute she was. 

"Great job. Now let's do that a couple more times."

As Max taught a quick learning El, she felt that she now had fallen into a trance of sorts. Focused on guiding the slightly wobbling, determined girl. Max had her skateboard and her love. In that moment she didn't need to worry about anything. 

Max tucked a wisp of her fiery, thick hair behind the round ears that poked out the sides of her head. She wished she could tell El. She didn't want her nightmares or her subconscious to mess with her. She wanted to be strong. She didn't want to give a shit about what people thought but this was just different from most situations.


	17. Destroyed

♡ El Hopper's 

Once Max had taught El skating basics, the pair had walked back up to their friends and joined them in laying beneath the towering trees. El wiped her mildly sweaty forehead and watched the delicate tree branches waver in the mellow breeze. Her friends were conversing about Suzie and El was busy anxiously pondering her plans. 

Now that she'd told her father her secret, El was feeling jubilate and eager to reveal it more people. She figured that if there was truly nothing to be ashamed of, than there should be no reason for her to not let people know. After all, her father told her it was normal and now that she knew, she decided that it wouldn't hurt to tell her friends. She didn't ever like to have more than a few secrets at once. And she wanted to bond more closely with the people she loved. She'd hastily decided that really did want to be with Max. 

El looked over to Max who sat against a tree trunk and watched her before quickly shooting her eyes away and onto Dustin. El observed the way Max's blue eyes glowed in the sunlight. The way the strands of her messy hair flowed. The way she looked so nice even in that simple t shirt.

"You like her, right, El?" 

El's eyes blinked in surprise and she looked to Dustin with confusion. 

"Suzie?"

"What? Oh! Yeah."

"Good. Than you all do."

El looked to Max who was watching her again. This time El looked away before her gaze magnetized back to Max who was still staring for a brief moment. El blushed. What if when she told them, Max would get weirded out by the idea that El liked her? El's fingers fidgeted gently before she decided that now was a better time than ever. She might as well get it all over with in one day. 

"You guys, I have to tell you all something." El quietly said, breaking the conversation. 

In a moment, everyone's curious eyes were on El. She licked her lips and her breathing became slightly heavier. If she could tell her dad, she could tell her friends. 

"What is it, El?" asked Mike who laid to her left. El sat up and looked around at her friends. 

"I don't know how to say it exactly."

"It's alright, El. You can tell us all." Max's pretty voice brought El to even shyer state. Her stomach tightened.

"Okay. Um. Okay. This morning I told my dad something I've been... realizing lately."

"Is it bad?" asked Dustin.

"No. I was scared that it was, but my dad reassured me. I guess it's just not as common."

"I'm freaked out. What do you mean?" Dustin picked at the grass. 

"Shut up, Dustin." said Lucas.

El sighed. "I am... I have like..." El nervously giggled slightly. 

"Come on, you can tell us." Mike said.

"Okay, I like girls." El quickly said and looked down automatically, shielding the piercing flush in her face.

Max's mouth quivered and her face flushed just as quickly. Her mind became a strange, unreadable type of blank. Like a page of paper with unintelligible ink scribbled across it. 

"What do you mean?" asked Mike. 

"Um, I'm attracted to them, you know. Like how you are." El kept her eyes down and her voice soft. She was lucky there were no strangers around or they might think she had some type of reddened rash on her face. 

"Oh." Mike said, speechless.

El dared to peek up. To her surprise, she saw Lucas smile wide. 

"El! This is great! I mean, I'm so proud of you. We all are." he chuckled between his words, overcome with visible, genuine joy. El was completely confused when he stumbled forward and draped his arms around her tense body for a brief squeeze. He turned around to face the rest of them. 

"Right, guys?"

El didn't dare to look at Max.

"Yeah! I'm just... kind of confused." Dustin said absentmindedly. 

"Well... I don't really know what else to say about it. It's all been happening pretty quickly. I mean the realization."

"It's called being a lesbian, Dustin." Mike said in an irritated voice. 

El's face blushed harder. 

"No, she doesn't have to be a lesbian. She doesn't have to just like girls." Lucas said back.

"Oh..." Mike's eyebrows were furrowed. 

"I don't." El quietly told them as she swirled the grass around with her finger. 

"See." Lucas said.

"Yeah right. You don't have to feel bad, El. I should've known you never liked me in the first place. No wonder you broke up with me." Mike stood up. 

El's mouth hung open. She looked up at Mike in disbelief, not knowing what to say.

"Stop it! This isn't about you, anyway." Lucas stood with Mike.

"Well you're not El either. I can't believe it. You didn't have to lie to me, El." Mike looked at her with narrowed eyes. 

El's heartbeat quickened. She didn't understand. She thought she would've been accepted.

Will accidentally released a small yelp of sorts, grasping El's attention. His face was shriveled and tears ran from his brown eyes. He quickly got up and began to run off towards their bikes. 

"Where are you going now?" Dustin shouted after him.

"I'm sorry." El silently choked. She felt her own eyes swelling the sting of cold tears. 

"El, you should've just told me." Mike said in a mildly softer voice.

"I didn't know. I didn't lie." El said shakily, still watching the ground from her scrunched eye lids. Why wasn't Max saying anything? She must've been disappointed. The thought of it drew a tear down her face. And Will left altogether. He cried. He must've been utterly disgusted with the fact that he had befriended her. El had destroyed everything.

"Where the hell is he going?" Mike mumbled. He hesitantly ran off towards Will who was already mounting his bike.

Max ran off with them. El felt that she could pass out. Now she'd ruined her relationship with her crush and her friend. She should've kept her mouth shut. Now tears were falling down El's face. She shouldn't have plunged into this so foolishly.

"El, it's okay! It's okay. Please don't cry." Lucas said. He and Dustin sat beside her as she covered her face in shame. 

"No! It's not okay. I've ruined everything. I made you fight. Now they hate me." 

"No, no. We're all still friends with you! It just surprised us, that's all. None of us are against you for this. Mike is just being ridiculous, he'll get over it. He doesn't understand." Lucas said.

"And you do?" El sobbed.

"No... but I understand better than he does."

"What about Max and Will? They just left me."

"I don't know about Will... I don't know. I think he just hates dealing with fights. You know he's been wanting to go back to the way things used to be. And Max... well. She doesn't hate you, trust me!"

"How do you know? You don't understand."

"El, I can't explain it, but-"

"I can't do this. I'm sorry." El got up and ran past a bewildered Dustin. 

Her dad had lied. If she were normal, she never would've been treated this way.


	18. Forget

♡ El Hopper 

The moment that El bursted into her rustic cabin, she broke into another sobbing fit. Hopper was there lounging on the couch. He quickly got out of his comforting position and stood in alarm. 

"El? What's wrong? What happened?"

El gave in and ran to him, wrapping her skinny arms around his wide waist. She'd given away almost all of her tears and now she was left to rock unsteadily with each desperate, dry sob. 

"I told them." El made out, squeezing her eyes shut and shaking her head in horror as Hopper lifted her sticky chin so that her wide, confused, reddened eyes met his. 

"It's all gonna be okay, El. Please, I'm begging that you won't ever let anyone make you feel like things can't turn out okay. I've always got you." El stared into the scruffy face that relaxed her so much and she showed him with her dark eyes that she didn't understand why this had happened. 

"They hate me, dad." she said in a weak tone.

Hoppers protective instincts poured anger and heartbreak for his daughter into his bloodstream. 

"What did they do?" he roughly asked.

"Mike got mad at me and said I lied to him. Will ran away crying and then Max ran away and then it was just Lucas and Dustin and they didn't understand. Lucas told me he did, but he just couldn't have." 

Hopper slowly and harshly breathed out from his nose. He blinked in confusion. He didn't exactly understand what his daughter was going through. 

"Said you lied..." he mumbled and trailed off.

"Yeah. I thought he would be accepting. Even if we broke up he's still so special to me. He was the first friend I ever fully connected with. But I guess we've drifted apart in some way. And I guess he doesn't feel the same way anymore. He just thought I'd lied to him the whole time and that's why I broke up with him. Lucas got mad at him for me. I made them angry. Gosh, I tore them apart."

"El, none of this could ever be your fault. It's not your fault that they don't understand. Of course they don't. I don't even really understand all this, if I'm honest with you, El. They're your friends, I've seen how much they care about you. You just need to talk with them. Or I will. But don't you blame yourself for any of this. You're brave and you're innocent and you just wanted to open up to them." 

"...But what about Max?"

Hopper sighed. "I'm not sure, El. But I know that if she tries to hurt you or do anything to make you feel bad for liking her, you just tell me, okay? For now let's just... let's take a break. I know this has all been hard on you. Let's just stay up a little late tonight and watch tv, how about that?"

El sighed back and nodded. "I guess I need something else to focus on." 

♡ Max Mayfield 

El liked girls. She liked girls romantically and she confessed to it before Max did. 

Max's mind was racing. She didn't know what she was supposed to think first. She loved El. This should've felt like a miracle. And it did. It was shocking. But it was... scary. Max still wasn't sure whether it was wrong. And maybe El didn't think the way nightmare El did, but what if nightmare El spoke the truth? Maybe Max and El were doomed if they got together. 

Or maybe this simply meant that El was practically destined to be with Max. Maybe Max could just ignore what everyone thought. After all, El would be worth it. She'd be worth every judgmental stare and slur and conjured up bible verse and even every potential harsh slap from her brother. 

There wasn't a doubt in Max's mind that El's love would bring immense light to her life. But what if the result of them being together was tragedy? It'd be so hard for them. But if El Hopper could feel the same way about girls that Max did, how could the feelings be bad? Coming from someone like El. Max couldn't properly wrap her head around the idea that El had looked at girls and gotten a similar gushy feeling.

She could hardly focus on anything after the moment El revealed herself. At least Hop was accepting. That was a huge relief in every single way. Especially since Max had that strange connection to him in which she yearned for a father similar. But by the way Mike yelled, she knew that El was probably miserable. Max knew that El was feeling guilty over nothing. Maybe she should just give her a check in call. But what would she say? How could things be the same between them? 

God, what was Max thinking. She didn't even know if El liked her at all!

Max had mixed feelings but at the end of the day, she was ashamed. She wished she wasn't. She wished that she could be stronger but this felt like a curse. She just couldn't bring herself to tell El. Not when she would probably never return the feelings. Then Max would feel like even more of a failure. And did Max really deserve to even possibly end up with her? She certainly didn't feel like it.

Maybe she just needed to ignore this. Just pretend that it never happened. That El never entered her life. That she'd never infested her daydreams and her nightmares all at once. 

Maybe this could all just go away if Max ignored El.


	19. Fist

♡ El Hopper 

"You have to tell her."

"What?"

Lucas gulped on the other line. 

"I don't know if you... but if you do. Please tell her. Just... please."

El scratched her head and blinked sleepily. This couldn't be about what she thought it was about.

"I know you think it's impossible. But trust me, it's not."

"Lucas, you're being weird!" El's heartbeat sped.

His phone clattering as it slammed and hung up sounded. 

El scoffed and pulled the phone away from her ear, staring at it with a bewildered expression. 

Who else would it be about if not Max? But how did Lucas know? Was it that obvious? Maybe this was like a sign or something. Maybe she should just do it.

♡ Max Mayfield's POV

"Max!"

"Lucas." 

"I just called El and told her to tell you."

"What?" Max exclaimed.

"Don't worry! I didn't tell her you love her. I just told her to tell her."

"Um what?"

"That's basically what I said. I told her to tell the girl. The girl is you. I just think if she feels the same way about you, she'll know what I mean. And if not, she'll just forget about it or whatever."

"Lucas! No, no! Ugh. I'm in love with her, this isn't just a game."

"Woah! You should be thanking me."

"Shut up! What if she figures it out? It wasn't your place to- ugh!" Max turned and massaged her forehead. 

"I'm sorry!"

Max shook her head.

"Max. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Lucas."

"Aren't you gonna tell her? It should be great news! Right?"

"... I don't know."

"What?"

"I'm not telling her."

"What? But... why?"

"Please just leave me alone." Max hung up the call and heaved a sigh. 

This was going to be hard. The moment Max sat on her bed she was met with a living nightmare.

Her door swung open and she jumped up. It was her step dad. His blue eyes were wide and crazed.

"What was that?"

"What?" Max shyly asked with a sinking feeling. Billy was one thing, she was used to mouthing off to him. He never got along with her but at least they interacted. Her step dad rarely got angry at her. He was scarier.

"I heard you on the fucking phone, Maxine! What girl are you supposedly in love with?" 

Max felt her whole body break out into goosebumps. This isn't real, it's a nightmare, it's a dream. No, no, fuck no! 

Max couldn't even open her mouth. She was frozen. Her stomach dropped so low that she felt like she could really melt this time.

"Tell me, right now! My daughter cannot be 'in love' with another girl. No, this can't be happening. I won't allow it. Tell me who she is so I can beat her the hell up for putting such sick thoughts into my step kid!"

Max began to hyperventilate and tears didn't bother to ask before pouring from her eyes. This didn't feel real.

"You're so selfish. You're almost as bad as Billy!"  
Neil stomped into Max's bedroom quickly and she finally was able to hop to her shaking feet. The moment she mounted herself, she felt a rough, wind knocking fist against her sweating face. 

Max teetered over and collapsed to her knees with a yelp. It was the first time he'd ever done that to her. The first time she wasn't the one watching. It was enraging having that mans grimy hands overpowering her.

Max was utterly stunned. Billy appeared in the doorway and his eyes widened the moment he realized what was going on. 

Neil was shouting in Max's face. She could feel his hot breath. "Who the hell is she, Maxine? I'm gonna kill whoever's raising her! This is unacceptable! My family will not be infested with sick minded freaks like you!"

Max sobbed out and fell to the floor in anguish. She sobbed in terror and humiliation. 

Neil raised his shaking fist again before Billy, to Max's further shock, roughly pushed him away with a grunt. Neil punched Billy instead and Max was so overwhelmed that she could hardly tell what happened from there. The voices were so loud that Max could hardly hear her own pathetic sobs. She curdled into a ball of sorts, feeling more vulnerable than ever. This was all happening so quickly, things were spinning and Max wanted to throw up.


	20. Cell Bars

Max Mayfield had never been so miserable and simultaneously gleeful.

Neil Hargrove was in jail.

Max's mother had finally dialed 911 when he snapped and began to strangle his own son.

Max's mind and the side of her face were aching. And this would surely go down as one of the most alarming days of Hopper's life. When he showed up to arrest the reeling man, Jim made eye contact with Max for a brief moment in which he established that his daughter had fallen for a girl more troubled than herself. 

Max was sat outside beneath the willow tree in her backyard. The sky was dark and raining lightly. Max might never have to live with her step father again. And she couldn't even imagine how Billy must've felt. She was still shocked that he'd helped her. But she figured it made sense. 

She looked up to see him walking towards her. She shifted uncomfortably and looked away. He stood over her for a moment before wordlessly sitting down somewhat close to her on the damp grass. 

Max's eyes eventually shifted up to his but he was looking at the ground with a tear rolling down his red race. He began to silently sob and Max understood. She began to cry with him. For a moment, it didn't matter. For the first time, she didn't care that her brother saw her tears. And strangely, she felt free. Even sat right next to him, she knew that this would have to begin it's end soon if her step father was locked up. She couldn't forgive him but she just understood. 

Billy looked to Max with shame in his vulnerable looking eyes as he cried. Max's tears fell softly and she began to genuinely smile at Billy. He smiled sadly back and laughed a bit in relief before looking back down and nodding. He covered his face and sobbed without a sound and Max found herself wondering if he ever, even just a few times a year, let himself cry like that in the night at the same time she did. The rain was getting heavier and more passionate.

Susan, Max's mother, hugged Max tightly when she came inside with messy, wet hair. Billy walked past her and went into his bedroom wordlessly. 

"Are you okay?" Susan asked, departing from Max but gripping her shoulders.

"Yeah." 

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, dear."

"... Are you sure?"

"I... I don't know how to feel, Max. I hate to tell you it but... I don't think I'm scared for your father."

"That's okay, mom."

Susan's eyes welled with tears and she cleared her throat, running her long fingers through the red hair that she gave to her daughter. 

Maybe things really would turn out to be okay. But it was going to be a while.

"Lucas, my step dad is in jail."

"Wait what?" he asked in awe.

"He heard us on the phone earlier tonight talking about El. He was gonna basically beat me up but Billy stopped him and he ended up getting choked by Neil who's now in jail for it.

"Um. Oh my god..."

"It's okay. I'm okay. It's not your fault. It's better this way. He can't hurt us anymore."

"Max... I... I'm sorry, I just don't know what to say."

"It's okay. You don't have to say anything really. I just wanted to get it out."

"You're sure you're okay? And Billy stopped Neil?"

"Yes and yes."

"Wow and wow. Jesus. Do you wanna stay on the phone with me? You sound freaked out."

"I think I just need sleep to be honest. And I need to think. But thank you, Lucas."

"Of course."

"Lucas. I love you."

"...I love you, too, Max. Man. Pretty weird that we're telling each other this now that we're broken up. It's crazy how things have ended up."

Max laughed slightly. "Yeah. So much shit has been happening lately."

"Max, just call me if you need anything."

"I will. You do the same."

"Goodnight, Mayfield."

"Night, Sinclair."

Max laid in her bed staring at the dark ceiling and processing everything. She recalled memories of Neil and Billy from back when she was younger. She pondered what Neil had said to her, expressing that he saw her as a sick freak. Max was sure lucky she didn't give a damn about what he thought. But it was still horrific. And she was lucky that Billy nor Susan knew about the phone call. 

Max thought of El. She recalled her smile, her laugh. Could she really just ignore her? Either way, the thought of her rocked Max to sleep.


	21. Progress For the Better and the Worse

♡ El Hopper

Thickly built, copper colored, antique grandfather clock. Standing sturdy and proud with curves and carvings detailed. It was as if a ghost had breathed and heaved a light blanket of dust across it's under-polished wood. A white, sickly thin cat hissed like a scraping chalkboard, trapped inside the lower door of the clock. She pawed desperately and scratched at the glass, mildly entangled in the thin, hanging chains. Eight year old El quickly walked over to free her unfriendly, elderly cat Phantom and frantically opened the glass door. El scooped up her bony, green eyed pet and rocked her, apologizing and cooing. But Phantom wriggled out of the child's dainty arms with a mewl before running off into the living room. El sighed and shut the clocks door as a shadow cascading in front of her. El turned to her tall standing father. 

"Silly Papa, did you put Phantom in the clock?" El asked with a small, curious voice.

"She was misbehaving, so I punished her. Now you've let her get away, El."

El's endearing, brown eyes got even wider. 

"I'm sorry, Papa. I didn't know. I thought she got stuck."

"Go get her and bring her to me."

"Yes, Papa." El walked into the large living room to search for Phantom, not daring to wonder what Martin would do with her beloved kitty. 

It was a shame that Phantom was so entirely uninterested in ever cuddling into El's lap or even brushing gratefully past her ankles. El was constantly trying to befriend the cat in different ways. She was so lonely and bored all the time. She didn't have any friends and was homeschooled. She could certainly never leave the house on her own, not even to play or lounge in the wide backyard. She didn't even know children her age. El only watched five of the same kids walking to and from public school outside her window nearly every morning. With their bulky backpacks and bright clothes and sleepy laughter. She wondered what it was like for them. Was their Papa cold and brittle in his behavior? Did they feel insignificant and fearful every time they made a small mistake? El couldn't imagine being surrounded by other kids all day every day in a regular school. Even her name was different. She was named after her mother Eleanor. But just the El part. She'd never known her mother, she didn't have any memories of her and she'd never even seen her picture. She just wasn't supposed to talk about it.

Martin Brenner's voice gargled and scraped. His language was unintelligible but El knew she was being shamed and scolded. The stretching shadows of her father engulfed El's tiny, hopeless figure and she was forced to drown in his unblinking gaze. A rough, sudden knocking sounded out of nowhere. Everything was chaotic and brutal.

"El?" Hopper knocked.

She gasped and breathed heavily, sighing in defeat at the quick realization that she'd been accompanied with yet another nightmare. 

Hopper opened the door to see his messy haired daughter sitting up in her bed with a look of anguish displayed on her flushed face. 

"Hey, are you okay? You've been asleep for a long time." He asked as he walked in.

"Yeah, I'm fine." El rubbed her adjusting eyes. 

"Are you sure? You don't look too good. Bad dream?"

"Um, no. Nothing." El cringed.

Hopper nervously ran a large hand through his smokey blonde hair and mumbled. 

"El, you can tell me. It's okay." He said as he sat on the edge of her bed and looked into her eyes. 

El sighed. "It's been going on for a while. I just don't want you to worry."

"Well, if it's worth worrying over than maybe I will. Not too much if you don't want me to. But if you've been having disrupting dreams than it needs to be fixed."

"Yeah, I guess so. Well, alright. I've been dreaming about... Martin."

"Your old father?" Hopper mumbled again.

El nodded and picked at her bed sheets uncomfortably. 

"Oh, El... how long for?" He quietly asked.

"I don't know. A couple weeks."

"Really? You should've told me."

"I know, it's just... weird."

"It's not weird, El. It's normal. You just need some... I don't know, methods to relax before bed maybe. Or some meds for your PTSD. Oh god, I'm sorry. I should've gotten you meds." Hopper sighed deeply and looked off. 

"Dad, it's okay. It's not your fault. It's his fault."

"Yeah. I know, El. We're gonna get this figured out as soon as possible, okay?"

"Okay."

"Thanks for letting me know. Why don't I make some breakfast for us?" 

"Yeah, I'll be out in a while. I love you, dad.

"I love you, too." Hopper smiled and left.

El's nightmares were just a reminder of her past. The way she used to feel so trapped without even realizing how isolated she really was. It changed her perspective on everything. She still wasn't even exactly used to women or girls. As in, she never met or really saw them through her childhood. The idea of a motherly figure had always been unknown to her. And Max was certainly the first friend El had who wasn't a boy. In fact, El was the first real friend Max had who wasn't a boy either. They'd both grown feelings for the other so easily and they were both unsure how the other would potentially handle it. Honestly the boys they were surrounded by were usually predictable. But this was different for both of them. 

Maybe that was one of the reasons why she was so interesting to El. A girl, confident and caring and cool and quite different from any boy or man she'd ever known. She was the only one El wanted to be with. But she also wanted to meet more girls. She wanted to see more girls. If this really wasn't wrong, than El could have fun realizing her feelings.

El decided that with how much she cared about Max, this needed to be done. She went over to her phone to update the one person who'd known about her nightmares. This way, she'd know for sure whether Max really was still her friend. She had to do it. She just had to. Anticipation churned within her as the phone let out its familiar, annoying ring.

"Max?"

"Oh. El." Max's tone was hesitant and less friendly than normal but El was still relieved to hear it again for the first time since her reveal. 

El realized that she wasn't exactly sure what to say. 

"Um, hi. Is it okay if I talk to you about something?"

There was a pause before Max replied with a silent sigh. "Sure."

"Um... never mind." El could already feel her stomach ache anxiously. Max didn't sound like she cared. This was pointless.

"What?"

"If you don't want to be friends anymore I understand. Just forget it." El's throat tensed.

"Hey, wait... I just don't want you to think I-"

"What? Like me? I know. You don't have to worry about that." El swallowed. 

"Wait... I... El. I just... meant to say that I don't want you to think I'm against you, that's all. This is just hard for me okay... you don't get it."

"What? What don't I get?" El's voice became weak and teary. "That you don't want to be friends with a girl who thinks about other girls in a way she shouldn't? You don't want me to think of you like that?"

"No, no. That's not what I meant!"

"Just stop. You don't have to pretend that it doesn't change anything. I knew that when I told you guys some things might not be exactly the same but I didn't expect this. Mike hates me, Will hates me and now you hate me. I thought we were different, Max."

"El, wait. That's not what I'm doing. You don't get it."

"No, you don't get it. You don't realize how hard this is for me. I understand your perspective perfectly."

"Yes I do! I do understand, okay?"

"No you don't! Stop pretending you know what it's like for me."

"El, I'm begging you. Please just listen to me. This doesn't make me care about you any less."

"Than why are you acting different from usual? Why did you just leave without even looking at me when you found out?"

"I was scared, okay?"

"You were scared of me? Really?"

"El, no! I was scared that you..." Max scoffed in distress.

"You don't have to pretend you still want to be friends if you can't accept this part of me. If you can't even face me when I tell you about it, just forget facing me altogether."

"El, I can't explain this to you but I swear that it's not at all what you're thinking. And I... I can't lose you. El, something happened last night. I'm sorry if it's hard for me to tell you why I did what I did but there's a lot on my mind and I can't handle it all." Max sounded shaky and miserable.

El's eyes were tearing up and she was feeling more conflicted than ever. "What do you mean?"

"My dad is in jail. I wasn't planning on telling you right now but he hit me and started choking Billy and now he's just... gone. I'm not trying to guilt you but I need you to understand that this is a lot for me to handle. And not for all the reasons you think. So please, El. Could you just be a little patient with me? I need to figure some things out. Just know that I care about you and that you liking girls doesn't fucking change that. It's not bad. Actually I... okay. El, will you please let me come over today and talk to you? I don't really know what I'm doing but... I just can't do conversations like this on the phone any more."

"Max... are you okay?" El said quietly."

"Yes. Just please let me talk to you."

"Okay. Fine. But please... don't hurt me." El felt pathetic saying it, but she couldn't take much more pain. 

"Of course, El."

El hung up. 

♡ Max Mayfield 

El didn't like Max. If she did, she wouldn't have been so hurt by the idea that Max thought she could. And now Max was expected to arrive at her house some time that day, to what? Confess her feelings? She didn't know what she was going to do when she saw El. But she couldn't have her thinking that she didn't care about her anymore over something that she herself was struggling with at the same time. So Max figured that whatever she told El would just happen. Things were already ruined anyway. She just couldn't believe this. She looked at herself in the mirror and couldn't believe that her own face was going to be looked into by El when she told her what she needed to, whatever that was. The same face that once pressed against hers for a brief moment. El turned out to like girls and the kiss they shared was still one sided. How would Max deal with this at the same time she was processing the situation with Neil?


	22. Silent Pursuit

Max knocked on El's front door that afternoon and shuffled her sweaty palms in her pockets. She only hoped that she'd figure out why exactly she was there. 

When El opened the door and shyly glanced at Max with her eyes that remained sweet as a gushy cherubs melody, Max realized why. It was because she loved this girl. She couldn't let all the shame and conflict beckon towards her to forget it. And as much as she may want to at times, it was impossible for Max to ignore it altogether. 

"My dad's not here. Come inside." El said simply, averting her eyes from Max as she stepped into her house. Max noticed that El had baggy flannel and sweatpants.

"Thank you, El." Max said, watching El look at the ground before mumbling awkwardly in response. Max cleared her throat as tension rose.

"Let's sit on the couch." Said El, walking slowly. 

Max and El settled on the worn cushions beside each other, a lonesome gap wedged well between the two. 

"Max. I'm, uh, sorry about your dad." Said El with an unsure tone as she finally looked steadily into Max's quickly blinking eyes. 

"No need for apologies. It's better this way. It's just really... weird right now. Confusing, you know?"

El sighed and picked at the sunken sofa buttons. "Yeah. You're right. Things felt weird when my biological dad was arrested too. I didn't really understand that it was a good thing. I just felt alone."

"Well that's a pretty different situation. But I guess I sorta forgot that you know what it's like better than anyone else here."

"Yeah. The isolation, the control he had over me is haunting. Sometimes I still get irrationally scared that when I'm out in public he'll just be there. Lock me up and feed me lies about the world all over again. He was the only voice giving me the only message I ever heard through my whole childhood. I'm so lucky that I have my real dad now. And I'm just scared that... that my friends are disappointed in me like he was all the time." 

Max paused and slowly scooted slightly closer to El. 

"None of us are disappointed in you for existing. We care about you so much. We wouldn't want you to think that you could be wrong just for being who you really are and able to tell us the truth about it. Sure some of us got... really surprised about it but it's not your fault and it's not just because you... like girls in it of itself." Max looked at El, wishing she could scream that she loved her with her gaze. El's eyes shifted and blinked. She shuffled slightly, thoughtful.

"But why? Why did you run off like that?" El asked, looking at Max with desperation. Max was on edge, sensing her logical instincts dwindle and diminish. 

"El. I..."

El scoffed and her head fell, shaking. Max winced.

"You're being so confusing. I just don't get it. Why can't you give me an explanation?" Her fragile voice cracked as she looked up, her eyes glossy. 

Max sensed a sudden throb churn within her stomping heart. She felt an urge to sink and coil into every emotion within the eyes searching through her own. And she'd spent so much time debating whether it was right or wrong to reach for what she wanted. Her feelings stirring and switching with every realization, irritated and forced into focus and hyperactivity in a way that they weren't used to. It felt like what Max wanted was spiraling into becoming a need. Her love was already less of an idea and more of a solid fact to her and in general. 

As Max's subject of admiration curiously awaited a response, Max wallowed in her craving to delve and plunge toward El's every cell and wisp.

"You've made me realize that what I'm telling you is true. That it really shouldn't matter."

"But I haven't even explained to you why it doesn't."

"No, El. I mean... if you feel this way than it can't be bad."

"So, what, before did you think the only people that felt it were deviant?" El glared.

Max sighed shakily, unsteady but too passionate to quit what she had begun. She looked at El. Her clear, warm skin, the thin eyebrows that curved above her wide eyes, her button nose and the small, plush lipped mouth that Max focused on.

"El." she quietly spoke, overcome with the gentleness that instilled within her at the observance of the confused girl as Max leaned forward slightly. 

It was pointless. It was selfish. And impulsive. But Max found herself shutting her eyes in terror and swiftly pressing her mouth to El's so gently and so hopelessly that she was convinced El could taste the melancholy.


	23. 23. A Drastic Change

The question that Max asked with her sudden kiss was both a result of feeling powerless in her ability to communicate through words she'd never attempted to conjure even to herself, and powerful in the urge to initiate something. Everything had happened so quickly and she simply had to hope that she'd chosen the correct method of expressing what she'd been feeling so deeply. She hoped that the message she intended to convey would be received well. Although her own certainty of the infesting love she felt was immense and her yearning for the kiss was natural, the action was hesitant and forced in a way. She only wished she were more confident when it came to this specific area and that it felt less like a whim. Or at least that there were a more cautious, less demanding but equally telling alternative than to approach El with her lips.

Despite the hopelessness and messiness of it all, relief and calmness of a sort swiftly cascaded across Max at the feeling of El's dry lips pressing softly and somewhat awkwardly against her own. She was too focused on the moment and her mind was too clouded over with the intoxicating feeling of El's shut mouth to already be washed over with immense anxiety that it was unwarranted or regrettable. And so she simply continued to bravely kiss her shocked, perplexed crush. 

Her mouth eagerly but gently met El's again as Max hoped she wasn't being clumsy, amongst many other inward hopes. She kept her eyes shut tight and awaited. Her mouth lingered softly until the very shy response of El when she returned a slight pucker. Max's eyes accidentally blinked open in surprise, unsure if she'd truly caught what she thought she had. The flittering eyelids of El accompanied the repeating of her subtle action when she kissed Max back again, parting her mouth open with fragility. Max didn't spend another second patient before shutting her eyes and passionately leaning in to firmly press her mouth against El's. 

The gesture of El's kiss back had simply erased the unsureness within Max's blizzard of brain activity. She was drowned in a dreamy state, met with reassurance and validation the moment that she was able to engage in something she'd regularly but shamefully pondered in private. 

El returned the kiss and placed her hand on Max's pale, pink cheek. Max was unable to process what was happening but she knew she couldn't pry herself from her now that it was. El's tongue met Max's and Max was so overwhelmed that she let out a breathy, weak laugh of sorts against El.

When El drew herself away, Max lifted open her heavy eyelids, meeting her gaze with El who smiled slightly and gently touched Max's kneecap. 

"Max..." El whispered. 

"I... was that bad?" Max asked slowly. 

El faintly laughed with a blink. "Of course not, Maxie. I never could've thought that was the reason why you ran off."

Max sighed, weighted with surprise. "I'm sorry I'm not better at... at talking I guess." 

"I don't mind if it means you'll kiss me." El drew back her lips in a shy smile. 

Max's face got even redder and she shook her head, looking down and blinking furiously as she laughed and stumbled over words. 

"I don't understand. I thought you said you didn't like me?" Max questioned.

"What? When did I say that? I thought when I told you I like girls... I thought you would maybe think that I liked you if you felt the same."

"But you told me the opposite. You said that I didn't have to worry about you liking me."

"That's because I thought you didn't. I didn't consider that you could take that a way other than thinking I didn't want you to worry that I was crushing on you only because I like other girls."

"Wait... do you? Have a... a crush on me?"

"Well, yeah. And it's not just because you're another girl. It's because you're... you're different from anyone I've ever known. Before you I'd never realized how much a girl could mean to me. I'd never even liked one." 

Max dimly laughed, too shocked to fully believe her. "You mean I was your first crush on a girl? El, I've never even had a crush this big. I can't even believe I'm telling you this but... I've never... felt so strongly about anyone. And I've only told Lucas. Well, and Robin. And Steve. But mostly Lucas. I thought he'd be the last person I told for a long time. I just don't understand how this has all happened so quickly."

"You told him? That you like me?"

"El, remember how he thought I was cheating? Well it's because I told him I liked someone other than him. Which was you. And then later I told him everything. It was so scary. I don't know how you told us all at once and your dad. I felt like it needed to be kept secret. And I still do. I just feel so lucky that this didn't go horribly."

"This is all making a lot more sense, Max, but why would it need to be hidden? I know it's not... as common but... it's not bad, is it? We're not... we're not being wrong?"

"I... no. No, it can't be because there's nothing wrong about it. It's not like I mind when other people are like us in this way. I just feel so guilty because I've never dealt with this so much until now. I always knew but I... never thought it would get like this. It wasn't the easiest to ignore but that's nothing compared to the way everything slapped me in the face when you and I became friends."

"I don't get it. If there's nothing wrong with this than why..." El chewed at her fingernails and looked off.

"It's just people being scared. Please don't believe that other peoples ignorance could ever be your fault, El. That shouldn't stop anything. I'm sure of it now. I just... have to be sure in private. We can't risk something bad happening."

"Okay. But... what now, Max? If we've both been feeling this way than what are we supposed to do? Ignore it just for other people?"

"No, we're finally here and we shouldn't just throw it away. I don't want to figure this all out later when I'm older. I want to figure it out now. I want to be unashamed. I just want things to... be peaceful. And to do that we have to be careful."

"Max. Careful about what? About us? What are we now? What will we do? I mean I know we shouldn't have to back down for other people. But what if we... need to?"

"Well I need you." Max looked sturdily into El's eyes, relieved that she could finally do what she'd been wanting. Just to talk. Everything was free and Max didn't let her shyness cloud her judgement. Even if it was different for her, it was still Max.

"I don't want to stay apart only for other people. I... like you." El pouted and tugged at Max's hands, pulling her in and sighing in release.

Max grinned at the sound of words straight from her dreams. She inwardly fawned at El, considering her cuteness.

"I like you too. Like I said, I've never liked someone so much. And I... god, I want to be with you, El. You have no idea how happy I am to be able to say that. To not be so scared."

"Max, let's just do this, okay? Let's forget about anything else."

"Of course."

"Will you be my girlfriend?" El asked without a hint of hesitation. 

Max heaved and squeezed El's hands, her head and her heart racing at the sound of the words.

"God, yes."

El smiled wide and giggled with glee. Max's view was altered with how scrunched her smile was making her face. It was like a fantasy for both of them. It hardly seemed real and yet it changed their views on everything.

Max shook her head and laughed. The girl she'd been pining over, the one who made her heart swell returned the feelings. How could she be so special? All the jealousy and sensitivity and anxiety within Max had been swept to the side. El had asked to be her girlfriend. As chaotic and untidy as things were, Max felt like she was floating in her own fairytale of chaos. 

El leaned in and kissed her girlfriend again. They quickly felt the inebriating brush of each other's soft lips touching and had to leave shortly after the parting before Hopper returned. 

Max was unsure as to whether the kiss had pacified or further excited her wonders. But the pulpy smile lifting her cheeks on the way home was incapable of being met with erasure. Her gelatin heart feverishly doused itself in softness and her mind was busy with fantasies of affection. Her mind was free and full of sweet thoughts. Max couldn't recall the last time she'd felt this way. She wasn't even sure there was a last time. Not like this. 

At the same time that Max was ecstatic, she was exhausted. Normally used to the same unwaveringly defensive, straightforward and adventurous mindset, Max was overwhelmed with the whirlwind of emotion she'd consistently been met with as of late. One moment she'd be sobbing, the next she'd be frustrated and pointlessly furious, the next she'd want to twirl with glee. At this point, Max couldn't properly rest with the fear that it'd switch again. 

She had the later events of the day to comfort her. It was all she could focus on. Max thought of the kiss and El's voice lingered in her head until she fell asleep. The glow of the strong memory was a nightlight to her. 

Why couldn't it all just be simple and peaceful?


	24. Fatal Fathoming

♡ El Hopper

El had decided that she'd be starting a diary. She'd already purchased a small, brightly patterned journal from a shop and was excited to fill it out as much as she needed. So far she'd written all about what had happened with Max down to the strawberry smell of her hair and the feeling of her fresh breath against her lips.

El shoved her new diary into her cold pillow case, switched off her radio and sighed. She would need to tell him sooner or later. She might as well now. Even if it made her a little uncomfortable to share something she'd struggled with, it was also relieving to talk about with her dad knowing that he didn't care. She just wanted to fix things up with everyone now that she had Max. She wanted things to feel complete. 

"Dad?" She called for Hopper who was making breakfast as she walked out of her bedroom.

He turned to her, a carton of cold milk sturdy in his first when his daughter stepped slowly onto the kitchen tiles. 

"I have something to tell you."

"Oh boy. Is it bad?"

"Nope, not this time."

"That's good. What's up?"

"Well... um. Max is kind of my girlfriend now."

"Wh-really?"

"Really. She kissed me and I just ended up asking her. And... she said yes."

"Oh man... you're so brave, El. God, my daughter has a girlfriend... I'm happy for you. You're lucky she felt the same way but she's luckier."

El giggled. "Thank you."

"I just hope everything will... be alright. If anyone gives you shit about it, don't hesitate to tell me, alright?"

"I know, dad. But... you won't get all mad like you did with Mike, right?"

"No, no."

"You still haven't told me... can we have sleepovers?"

"Um... I guess so? Maybe. Just don't... kiss as much as you did with Mike and we'll still have to see about it." 

El giggled at the thought and thanked her dad before sitting down at the table and biting eagerly into a slice of crisp toast. 

"Will?"

"Hi, El." He replied awkwardly and almost with a cold, wary tone. 

"Hi... sorry to ask so suddenly but do you mind if I come over some time? I just... uh want to understand-"

"I know you do but I can't explain it. I'm sorry, El." The cautious assertion in Will's voice was unfamiliar to a taken aback El.

"What?" She sheepishly muttered, breathing out as she sat at the edge of her bed and clasped the cool telephone closer to her ear. 

"Please just forget about what happened that day, okay?"

"Will, I just want to know why you were so upset? Is... it that awful?"

"No, it..." Will's frantic voice squeaked through his mumbling and he hastily sighed. "It's not your fault. I wasn't... upset about you, okay? Now just please forget it." 

"I- Will... I can't. I can't just move on as if your reaction had no significance." El was now clutching the glossy phone, creasing her eyebrows in concern and confusion. 

"But it wasn't a reaction to you."

"I don't understand."

"That's all I can tell you. It's more than I wanted to anyway. Please, El. I'm begging you to forget it."

"Will-"

He hung up the phone without hesitation, his face flushed and his chest feeling fragile as he turned around and heaved an irritated sigh. He wished he could've possibly explained it better. Will had been sluggishly inching towards divulging this secret his whole life. And now things were meeting their down fall. He wasn't ready. He cared about El, trusted her. And maybe he'd slaughtered her trust for him. Maybe he needed better control over himself. But he couldn't truthfully explain to his friend why he cried and ran off like a stream. However, unlike a stream, what he'd been shielding would never change. 

El plummeted her back onto the cold, wrinkled bed sheets. What was Will so scared to tell her? She'd be patient with him if he were truly struggling with something of course. But she couldn't help fearing that he was simply forging excuses to stay away from her. She feared that she could've really cost herself a friend when she'd been brave. It just didn't make sense. Will? Not that she would begin to expect it from her other friends either but Will was so understanding, always introverted and never judgmental. El really bonded with him over their softness and strength, even if they didn't spend enough time talking. And maybe they shouldn't have anyway if he wouldn't accept her. But it couldn't just be that. And El couldn't imagine what else it was. Especially not with such a preoccupied, Max centered mind at the moment. At least El was a step closer to figuring this all out with her friends. But she still feared that it would end with her alone.


	25. Telephone Tangibility

El made her second call of the day, excited to speak with her new girlfriend. The phone was shamelessly answered in a hasty moment. 

"Maxie!" El grinned wide as she softly exclaimed.

"Hi Ellie." El could hear Max's growing smile through the line. 

El sighed, relieved to be met with warm, worry free words over the phone. "I just sort of wanted to hear your voice. I'm a little stressed right now." 

"What happened? Are you okay?"

El giggled at Max's quickly rising worry. "Of course. I'm just trying to settle things with our friends. They're either upset with me or acting awkward because the others are upset with me."

"Shit, I almost forgot about that. Did you talk with them?"

"I just finished a call with Will. He couldn't tell me why he freaked out before but he's saying it's not because of me. Which makes no sense. Is... it bad of me if I get the feeling he's lying?"

"No, not bad. Just hopefully wrong. I don't see him as the type of person to be unaccepting of you for this. And if he does find it worrying, I don't see him lying about that either."

"But what if he is lying because he doesn't want our other friends to be against him? I just can't tell anymore. Oh, Max, I'm so confused." El groaned.

"I don't know... do you mind telling me what exactly he said?"

"He told me that his reaction wasn't directed at me."

"Maybe he really was just upset because he doesn't like fights. It makes sense. He might be good at hiding his emotions but I know he feels them deeply." 

"Well than why was it so hard for him to just tell me?"

"Ugh, I don't know. Like I said, he likes hiding emotion. Maybe it's that? Just don't stress about it too much. It's probably not really about you liking girls on it's own. He'll have to tell you eventually, right?"

"I guess. But what about Mike?"

"Mike has no reason to be mad at you. Don't even worry about it if he is. It's not your problem, it's his."

"But... it's so disappointing. He's my friend. He means... a lot to me."

"Well... all I mean is, if he can't get over it soon, try not to blame yourself. But he better hope he will get over it. And I hope he will too. I never thought he was a bad person."

"Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Thank you, Max."

"You should just take a break, El."

"I don't know. I wanna get this all figured out. I just want everything to be good at once."

"I know. But you don't need to rush into everything at once. Especially not if Will needs time to open up or process stuff. I uh, don't want you hurting yourself. You can just be happy on your own. Please don't feel guilty for relaxing." 

"I guess you're right. The last thing I want is to be impatient. I just... I'm so happy that you and I are together now. Ha, even saying it makes me smile. It's just that I want to get everything else organized quick so I can just have fun with you and not get distracted."

"Let things ease their way into each other. I know I might not always be the best at what I'm telling you but I at least don't want you struggling. Just try to let Will know that he can talk to you. But don't pressure him or it'll get worse."

"Thank you, Max. It means so much to me that you're helping. I wish I were there to kiss you!"

Max giggled shyly. "I still can't believe I'm hearing you say those things. Just know that I'm always thinking stuff like that even if it's... you know... sometimes hard to say for now. I mean as much as I want to, it's just so new and a little hard for me in all honesty. I wish I were more unashamed like you."

"I can't help it... I just want to tell you everything."

"Well I appreciate it a lot, Ellie."

"I love hearing you call me that!"

Max's face was pink and her heart leapt as she rolled over.

"Hey, hold on. I forgot to ask how your family has been. I mean, it's a really big deal. I hope you at least don't mind talking to me about that. You know it's never bothersome. I just want to be here for you."

"Oh, I know, El. My mom won't tell me much about what's happening with him and court. It's not all figured out yet but I'm just trying to get used to things at my house. My mom isn't used to it either. It's kind of scary for her with figuring out work. And she never really took care of Billy but she doesn't want to yell at him and everything like Neil did. So she's hardly even interacting with him. She just doesn't know how to treat him. And he doesn't mind it. I don't know what to think of Billy. He hasn't talked to me much at all since it happened."

"Gosh, I know how weird it must be. I really hope you're truly okay."

"El, I'm better than okay. I can't remember the last time I was this okay. You don't even need to ask me about it to be helping me through it." 

"It makes me so happy to help you feel better. If you you ever wanna get out of your house, you know where to find me. Oh! And Max, I told my dad we're girlfriends!"

"You did? What did he say?"

"Don't worry, he's happy about it. He knows it's been hard and he's just glad that we have each other. He even said we could maybe still have sleepovers."

Max chuckled. "That's wonderful, El. I'm glad he knows. And knowing that he accepts me too is... um. It's comforting honestly. Maybe that's weird."

"It couldn't be less weird. Of course he does. Max. I'm so sorry you can't... you can't know exactly what it's like. To feel that comfort from your own family."

"Oh... El, um, that reminds me. I haven't told you everything about what happened with Neil. Uh, I don't want you to twist this into something to feel guilty over but..."

"What?"

"He heard me on the phone with Lucas talking about... well, you. And that's why he got so mad. He wouldn't even be in jail if I hadn't talked to Lucas about my feelings that night. Neil was ashamed of me. He was furious. I'd never fully dealt with it from him before." 

"Wait, you mean he got mad that you like me? Oh my god... wow. God, Max! It's worse than I ever thought. Are you okay? Of course you're not. Oh, don't feel like you have to pretend it's okay."

"Hey, I know. But it's gonna be okay. Seriously, I won't let him get to me. I don't care what he thinks. It just... it was really shocking."

"How can you be dealing with all this at once? You're so strong, Max. Man, I just can't believe that has to do with you liking me. It makes me so upset to imagine... oh. I'm glad you're never planning on letting his meaningless words give you shame. But you shouldn't have had to go through his treatment." 

"El... you don't know how special you are to me. It's so helpful... hearing you tell me that you care."

"Of course I do. I just don't want you to feel like you have to hide any of your feelings from me. If you're ever upset just about anything you can talk to me. I'll do whatever I need to comfort you. You're important to me. And I'm proud of you. I don't care what people think, I'm proud."

Max's heart melted. As much as she denied it, she was in desperation for this type of care and affection from someone who understood, someone she loved. 

"El. I..."

"What?"

"Um. I just really appreciate you. I don't know what else to say about it. Thank you. I needed to hear all this."

"I care so much, Max. I know you. And I care about you. Don't forget that."


	26. Communal Confidentiality

♡ Max Mayfield 

Max had an extra phone call of her own to make before she settled in for much needed sleep.

"Hey, Lucas."

"Hi, Max."

"I have news."

"Good news this time?"

"Really good news."

"Thank god. Now tell me!" 

"Um, okay. I uh, kissed El and she asked me to be her girlfriend."

"Um what? Excuse me? What did you just say?"

"Well it wasn't that simple but-"

"I knew she liked you! I knew it!"

"Shh!"

"Oh, right, sorry. But... woah! I just can't believe it finally happened."

"Trust me, I can't either. I don't know why she even likes me. Even though it was always really helpful, I thought I'd just always have to deal with her support in the form of friendship. Knowing that she sees me in the way I've been wishing she would is... it's just so unexpected."

"Wait, are you gonna tell our friends now?"

"I don't know... El and I haven't talked about that really. She's still trying to figure things out with Will and Mike."

"Yeah... I'm kind of still mad at Mike. I haven't talked to him much. And I don't know what happened with Will."

"I wonder what Mike talked to him about when he ran after Will. I didn't hear them, I just went straight home. I couldn't even go to the arcade." Max yawned. 

"Yeah. I wanna ask them about it but I don't want to give you or El away."

"Well I don't think it was about us anyway. El called Will and apparently he didn't have much to say. Just that it didn't have to do with her. I don't know why he had a hard time explaining it to El, otherwise I'd have figured it was just the fight that freaked him out. Will's been wanting things to be more civil lately. I can't think of another explanation."

"I'm sure it'll get figured out. I just hope the lack of communication doesn't make things worse."

"Not that i'm not worried... but I'm not too upset about it anyway to be honest. I'm just so happy about El."

"Yeah. I'm so happy you talked to her. And that I was right! I hope it all makes you feel better." 

"Of course it does. I mean at least I've got her now." 

"You guys should really tell Dustin, Will and Mike. Keeping it a secret will be hard."

"Ugh, we will. I just don't know when. Maybe it'll be better if we do once Mike chills out about El opening up. And when we do tell them, it's not like it won't be a secret. We just can't risk... you know."

"Yeah... I guess so. I'm sorry, Max. You shouldn't have to keep it a secret anyway."

"I know. Thank you, Lucas. I don't even know how I'd have dealt with all this if you hadn't been so supportive."

"I can't imagine not being supportive... you deserve as much as you can get of it with all that's going on now especially. But can I talk to El about this? Does she know I knew about you?"

"Yes, she knows. But there's been enough phone calling for tonight. Let's all three talk about it in person later." 

"Yeah, you're right. I should go to bed soon anyway."

"Me too. My heads starting to hurt."

"I'll call you tomorrow about meeting up, okay?"

"Okay. Goodnight. 

"Night. Have sweet dreams about your girlfriend."

Max smiled. "And you can dream about your imaginary girlfriend."

"Hey! You can't use my singleness against me now."

Max giggled and hung up the phone, yawning wide.

Max lingered in the short line at Scoops Ahoy, awaiting the moment that she could ask Robin for advice. She'd decided now that she had a girlfriend she wanted to learn more about other girls like them. And she figured that Robin had answers. 

"Max, it's you."

"Robin, can I talk to you?"

"Oh, sure. Steve will take over, come on."

Max followed Robin into the back with a smile. She felt comfortable in a different way talking with Robin about this, knowing that she really understood. Even with Steve it was different, he was older and didn't make a big deal out of it at all. It reminded her of what she wished she could be like with Billy, not that such a thing was even imaginable for her. She appreciated it so much that it almost temporarily made her forget the people who would react differently. 

"Sorry if this is kinda sudden. I don't know anyone else I can talk to about it." 

"Oh, I definitely don't mind not working up there. I think I told you if there's ever anything you're struggling with, you can just come talk to me about." 

"Thanks so much. The reason I came here is to learn more about this stuff I guess. But at least there's another girl who understands me now."

"Other than me, you mean?"

"El. The girl I like. That date with the boy never worked out. And she just told us all she likes girls."

"She came out to all your friends? Man, she's brave."

"Huh?"

"What? Oh. Coming out is when you tell someone you're queer."

"Queer? Isn't that an insult for us though?"

"Well yeah but... you can always reclaim it."

"I guess you're right."

"See, you're already learning."

"Yeah. But Robin, El's my girlfriend."

"What?"

"And she asked me!"

"Woah! That's great! I love hearing about that kind of thing. I just can't believe you got a girlfriend sooner than me, ugh. Everybody queer is finding someone else but me."

"Who's everyone?

"Well, just you and Murray."

"Uh, who?"

"This weirdo private investigator guy. I think your girlfriends dad knows him too. He met this Russian immigrant dude Alexei and now he's staying with him. They became boyfriends really quickly."

"So it's really not just you, El and I, huh?"

"Definitely not. Even if it feels like it. That's why I'm hoping for a girlfriend."

"Do you know a lot about... queer people?"

"Yeah, I'd be happy to be your teacher."

"Thanks, it all makes me feel so... not freaky, you know?"

"Yeah. I know. I hide gay stuff in my bag right here." Robin grabbed a red backpack off the floor and unlatched it, pulling out pins with supportive words, wrinkled magazines, papers, photos, a small rainbow patterned flag and a quickly re-hidden small book of pulp fiction. 

Max picked up a smooth magazine titled Outweek and began her exploration.


	27. Mellow

♡ El Hopper 

traZODONE  
The small bottle of El's new pills was matte, opaque and relatively boring. She pressed down on the cap, trying to twist it open but only being left with marked palms. She awkwardly looked up to Hopper, who gently took the pill bottle and opened it swiftly, shaking out a few round, white pills. 

"I have to take two every single day?"

"And it might not work well for a few weeks."

El scoffed silently.

"Sorry, kid. But it'll be worth it, I promise. I just wish this wasn't necessary."

"It's alright, I know I need them. I just hope it gets better." El sighed as Hopper set a small pill in her hand, dropping the others back in the bottle. 

"Just call me if you're confused about dosage or anything. And take this one for now."

"Okay." El said softly as Hopper dryly kissed her forehead.

"I've gotta go to work, alright?"

"Yeah. I'll see you later."

"Goodbye, El.

"Bye, Dad. Love you."

"I love you, too."

El's dainty fingers traced the foggy glass cup of water in her grasp. She sat motionless for a moment at the edge of her bed, her toes grazing the wood floor. Blinking her sleepy eyes, El poured water in her mouth. She dropped the trazodone pill to the back of her throat, swallowing it reluctantly with a cringe.

She fell back onto her cool bedsheets and pondered her plans for the day. She wished Max's birthday was sooner than November. El wanted to give her a new skateboard to use. Of course she could just give it to her sooner. Maybe as a Fourth of July present? Maybe she could make that a thing. 

The whole group of friends had already planned to watch fireworks together at the fair during the Fourth of July which was rapidly approaching. El had only seen fireworks once before when she was thirteen. She was fascinated with their brightness and the way they bolted boldly, shamelessly beautiful through the dark sky, even if the explosive sounds were scary and alarming. She was excited to see their bright brilliance again, this time with brightly brilliant Max. 

El was the first to show up at the public library. She'd been the one to suggest the location when Max asked her where she wanted to talk with Lucas. Figuring that it was one of her favorite places in downtown Hawkins, it would be a more than acceptable place for her to relax and temporarily dismiss her worries in. Besides, she didn't want their conversation to become overly rowdy and she wanted to show Max her calming hangout spot. Even if the librarian would assume inevitable upcoming irritability at the sight of unfamiliar, giggly teenagers approaching her ex boyfriends easygoing daughter. She sighed, shook her head and retied her bowknot blouse as Max and Lucas passed her and quickly shuffled to El.

"El! Why would you suggest the library?" Lucas asked in a softy excited tone, pulling out a chair at the table El was sat patiently at. 

"I told you, it's calming. And air conditioned."

"But it smells like... dusty pages in here."

"Gee, I wonder why. Don't blame her for wanting to chill here for a while instead of the muggy outdoors. I don't need another sunburn."

"Okay, but you should chill too, Max. It's not like you ever come here." Lucas said as she rolled her eyes. 

"False, I've... borrowed some Wonder Woman here before."

"So what exactly is it that you guys wanted to discuss?" El asked, ignoring their mild bickering. 

"I guess I just wondered more what you two will do with telling our friends about your relationship. Plus I wanted to see you guys together. I've been waiting for you to end up with each other."

"There's not much more to say. Just that you'll be able to talk to everyone about it sooner than later. It's just... things are weird right now with Mike and Will." Said Max.

"Do you think you should tell them all at once?" Lucas asked.

Max sighed. "It didn't go great the last time but... I just think now it'll be different. I mean it's not like Mike can get mad at us for being girlfriends if he really doesn't mind our sexualities. He'll just have to deal with a little jealousy. But we can't lie forever." 

"Basically it's just safer to make sure our relationship won't become common knowledge and it's easier to do that if we get the other weird stuff sorted out a little. We just don't want it to be too much at once."

"Yeah. It just sucks that you have to hold yourselves back only for other people.”

"Well, holding all this back in general sucks. Keeping everything a secret my whole life was clogging me up and I feel that now. I wish everyone could know about El and I without being assholes. And I wish I could tell everyone to suck it up."

"I feel pretty special if you trusted me enough to tell me before anyone else." Lucas said.

"Yeah but I probably wouldn't have so soon if we hadn't fought. It was still definitely helpful to come out to someone like you for the first time, though. Robin at Scoops taught me what that means. Coming out. She got me wondering how many other people around us need someone to come out to."

♡ Will Byers

He’d tell El sooner than considered. He’d need to. If El needed an explanation and he needed an outlet than maybe the risk was worth taking. Maybe Will could finally push himself to release what had been boiling within him for so long. How had he let himself get into a situation from which he couldn’t escape without the truth? When a minds thoughts are only ever left unseen, a person can become more secure in the safety of their secrets, more willing to be considerate and shameless within themselves. But with Will always around his friends who seemed to let everything out, it only made him more anxious that they’d uncover his secret. He couldn’t tell whether he wanted to let it all free with the risk of freedom or live his life in denial for the sake of settlement. And delving into that turmoil made his head sore and his skin sweat. With how he felt thinking of everything, it seemed impossible to potentially put into words. Still, the guilt within Will was always just out of reach, trying to gnaw at him. He couldn’t let himself become overwhelmed again. Couldn’t start crying out of nowhere over nothing. He was petrified at the thought of his lifelong best friend finding him unwell for something Will had always questioned morally and wished he could pry away from himself. How could he tell El if he hadn’t told Jonathan? Or even Joyce?


	28. The Secret Sulker

Sheltered beneath his thin sheets with a flashlights white illumination, Will grasped his small sized sketchbook and flipped through the pages silently. 

The night had approached far too slowly and draggingly for Wills liking with his head drowsy and wallowing in his paranoid thoughts. Now that he felt comfortable, he flipped through the thick pages of his drawings. Creative creatures, attempts at emotions in art form, characters. But when Will found what he was looking for, his thin and mildly unsteady fingers brushed gently across the page. He felt sheepish just thinking about what he'd drawn, but found himself slowly tracing the rough outlines and edges of Mike Wheelers memorized portrait. 

It wasn't the most skillfully accurate depiction of the boy. But it surely captured his messily thick and obsidian black hair, the dark eyes in which Will sensed the light and liveliness of so well. Tucked in the page was a pocket sized Polaroid photograph of Mike. Will tried to look at the faintly freckled, full lipped, feline structured face without allowing any seemingly sickly thoughts in. Without feeling softly touched by the mere sight of Mikes eyes. 

In the photograph that Will had looked over so many times, Mike displayed a genuine, toothy smile in the library where they used to sit between rows across from each other. Will had seen bright, shy, fake, silly and soulful smiles on Mikes face throughout the achingly developing years of almost his whole life.

Will felt grossly selfish and unordinary for having considered Mikes sweetly excited, El directed smiles unfortunate. He felt hopeless and foolish for the sight of them kissing filling his stomach with an avalanche of tumbling rocks. Didn't he want that happiness to form for Mikes sake and not for his own? He felt wrong to not encourage his best friend in something he still cared for. Weird for lingering on it in a way that other boys didn’t. As much as Wills other friends meant to him, he wished that him and Mike shared something closer in a different way. He yearned to not be alone in that and hoped it were ever possible to express it. 

Will missed being a scrawny, even shyer, wider eyed child with his first real friend. The only person who stood up for him no matter what anyone else thought. The only friend he really needed at the time, with his slightly gummy grin and even messier hair, frecklier cheeks than he had now that they had to grow up. 

A memory of Will accidentally pedaling too quickly and scraping his bike tire against Mikes when he was first learning to ride. The way he weakly collapsed on the rocky road and scraped his tiny kneecaps so bad he had to squeeze back stinging tears and bled through his jeans. And Mike had shown him that his knees always looked like that and that it wasn't a big deal. He'd given him the bandages in his backpack that his mom made him take along and walked with him the rest of the way home so that Will didn't have to limp on his own. Will still had a very faint scar remaining from that instance. It would be right there for the rest of his life and he'd always associate it with the boy he'd connected with so specially and deeply from such a young age. And as much as he'd never admit it, as hard as it was to consider certain things, Will undeniably loved Mike with the same permanency and unconditional strength as the unremovable presence of his scar. He loved him in a gentle, caring, thorough, calm way that boys were expected to beg apologies for if ever discovered. It made him feel like he could never be a real man, but he knew that if Mike felt close to the same way, it wouldn't matter. And he knew that his older brother wouldn't see it like that. He knew that he didn't have to expect his disappointment. And that even if the right words were hard to form, maybe Jonathan would understand better than he feared. 

Will shut his sketchbook and figured that though it was late, as long as this bubbling feeling lasted, he'd better take advantage of it. Feeling the threads loosen as he attempted to induce himself of reassurance and bravery, he neared Jonathan's bedroom with slow, silent steps and knocked solidly on his dividing door.


End file.
